I have avoided every emotional situation since I was three years old. I’m the person who will offer you a beer and a quick hug before any emotions or advice. So needless to say, the passing of my father has had a huge impact on my life. I have been avoiding this conversation with everyone and myself for years but recently I’ve been thinking a lot about it. In the next couple of months, I’m walking at graduation a year ahead of schedule. I’m looking for internships for the summer and I have been accepted to study abroad in Australia this fall. My life is moving faster than I could have ever imagined. Every day I wish I could sit down and talk to my dad and tell him all the lessons I’ve learned but since I can’t, I’ll share my experience and give advice to anyone who needs it.

Let the waves hit you – it’ll help you grow.

Now, if you’ve never lost a parent you won’t understand what this means. Losing them will never hit you the day it happens. It’ll hit you 5 or 8 years later while you’re at a friend’s house and watching Remember The Titans or while you’re walking across the stage at your high school graduation and you realize they’re not out there cheering for you. As much as this sucks, let it hit you, allow yourself to feel the loss and understand what is going on inside of your head. This is a lesson I wish I learned a decade ago.

Make sure everything you do is something that would impress them.

I always like to keep in the back of my mind that I am doing everything to my full potential, at the end of every day I like to think, “would my dad be happy with what I did today?” BUT, I also keep in mind that no one is perfect. When I have off days, I say okay well I can do better tomorrow, today just wasn’t my day. I always try to reach my goals and do activities I know would make my dad proud of me.

It’s more than all right to talk to them.

So this sounds a little out there, I’m not suggesting walking around your city like a crazy person talking out loud to your dead parent, but what iam saying is, take some time before bed and just talk. I know at first it may be weird and seem like you’re talking to yourself but it really helps get things off your chest. Just talk about your day or tasks you’re struggling with and I promise they will be listening. Just because their body has physically left the earth doesn’t mean their spirit isn’t with you. (And if you don’t believe in that sort of thing, talk to their picture, it has the same effect I’d say).

If you have a stepparent, show 'em some love – they really have the hardest job.

This may seem like a no-brainer but it can be hard sometimes to let a new parent into your life. Luckily I was blessed with a great step-dad but unfortunately, I didn’t show as much love as I could have. That is always something I will regret. They don’t want to replace the parent you’ve lost but instead be there for you as a close second. Another lesson I wish I learned a very long time ago. It wasn’t until I sat down with a spiritual guide, a person similar to a medium, that I realized, “you know Emily, you really shouldn’t have been so cold over the years.” Learn from my mistake don’t let it take you 15 years to realize your stepparent is a blessing in disguise.

And last but not least, emotions – they aren’t that bad.

If there is one thing I hope you take away from reading this is it is okay to feel and express yourself and talk to others about what you’re feeling. I always thought I needed to put on a strong front and be stone cold at all times, but it really is okay for big girls to cry – sorry Fergie.

I really encourage you to let people know when you’re upset about your loss even if it makes them uncomfortable for a second. Anyone who hasn’t experienced this type of loss will never know what to say, I promise you that, but getting it out of your head helps you heal.

And as my dad always said, “Stand up and be somebody.”