All college students, or at least 95% of them, have faced the dreaded group assignment one way or another. The formula usually consists of a well-meaning professor, shy peers and one grade per group. Some students are filled with joy and excitement, ready for the prospect of enriching their social life - while others would rather eat a bowl of toenail clippings while having their hair washed with mayonnaise. You must have experienced this cycle if you identify with the latter rather than the former.
1. Please like me. I am a pleasant person.
All group members are awkwardly meeting up at a designated place in the classroom. You nod and politely smile as each peer looks down at their cellphone, uncomfortable with the new task at hand. Your professor walks by an asks if everything is going well. Your group mumbles "yeah" and your faith grows slightly. Maybe this won't be so bad after all.
2. Get me out of here.
As you start to get the ball moving in completing the given assignment, it turns out that none of your group members know what they're doing; nor were they listening to anything the professor talked about. Some are still on their phones while others are looking around the room for possible solutions. The fate of this project is now in your hands.
3. Cup of coffee and a cigarette please.
You begrudgingly take on the assignment by yourself as you summon all of your knowledge that could possibly be used. Your (now useless) group members are trying to contribute senseless words but you dodge the mumbling. You are well aware you will receive an A on this assignment. Since you're feeling pleasantly kind, you share the grade. It's not like you had much of a choice anyway.
4. Stop talking to me.
5. Over and done. Like taking off a band-aid. 
The professor calls for time and your assignment is completed. Since there is extra time left, your professor called different groups to present their knowledge in front of their fellow peers. You try to hide your face but cannot escape the scrutiny. As you make your way up to the front of the audience, you see your group lagging far behind. You can feel your skin vibrate as your blood begins to boil.
6. Give me an A. Give me an A. Give me an A.
With an inflated ego, you present the assignment while your group members stand back. Judging by the confused faces of the class, you end your role earlier than intended. Since none of your group members can elaborate, you walk back to your seats with the soundtrack of passive applause.
7. Goodbye.
As class ends, your group tries to make small talk on the way out. Since your brains are fried, you speed-walk faster than the others and say something along the lines of having a part-time job. You wish them well with a creepy Stepford Wives smile and leave.
8. Hand me a drink.
You arrive home and angrily slam the door behind you. Without bothering to knock, you barge into your roommate's bedroom and launch into a melodramatic soliloquy about the day's events. When you finish your speech, your roommate automatically grabs her cellphone and orders a banquet of junk food.
