Tick Tock, life is a clock. Literally, every facet of our lives is scheduled. From birth on, the clock runs our lives. From things as little as daily tasks, to larger endeavors such as when it’s time to get married, have kids and retire. As I was rummaging through my old jewelry box I came across a silver and gold vintage watch that used to belong to my Grandmother. I was struck by how simple and classically beautiful it was, but also by the fact that the second hand was still. I waited a moment, but it remained 5:47 and 54 seconds.
As a child, I resented the way life seemed to drudge along at a snail’s pace. I was in such a hurry. I found that I was always hoping for a fast forward button. First, I wanted to be a first grader. Then I couldn’t wait to be in fifth grade. Then I couldn’t wait to be a middle schooler. That was when I started dreaming of being a teenager. Oh the freedom, the instant cool factor, the parties, the dances… I was desperate for that fast forward button. So much so that I was never content with the present.
Recommended for you
Then, as a seventeen year old, I desperately wanted to rewind. I wished I could go back to feeling carefree and joyful. I wanted to believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. I wanted to have my parents tuck me in at night. I didn't want to worry about college and scholarships and money. I just wished I had more time. It drove me crazy. I started feeling like the moment the sun came up it went right back down. Days became weeks, weeks became months, and then a year passed and I was a legal adult finishing up my senior year of high school. Desperately trying to hold on to my childhood, I felt like this invisible hand was pushing me down a path I didn't want to be on.
Now as a freshman in college, wondering what to do and how to exist as a productive human, The weight of time feels even heavier. When you look around you question everything. Am I doing it wrong or is everyone else? Is it so blatantly obvious that I have no idea what is going on? I want my mom. I can't tear my eyes away from what everyone else is doing. Tick tock, the clock won't stop. Am I in the right place to be pursuing my dreams? Is that even the right decision, or should I just do something practical that I know I can get a job in right away. I'm only 18, but everyone seems to think this is just how it works. That I should plan my whole life out now. Why do I have to know now?
This realization led me to the idea that maybe I resent the concept of time. Not time itself, I understand that the world spins and seasons change and aging is inevitable. But I resent the expectations and limits that man has put on time. I don’t like having every aspect of my existence predetermined. I want to grow up at my own pace, not at the pace society tells me to. I long to shed the expectations time has put on me. Maybe I don’t want to go right to college after high school. Perhaps I choose to explore the world in my youth and get higher education after my retirement. I could get married at 25 and have kids 2 years later and be a stay at home mom, or I could get married at 55 and never have kids at all. Either way its my decision, and I would like to feel that I have the freedom to choose without the pressure of the status quo.
Time is a difficult concept. Much like my Grandmother's watch, it is classic and beautiful. However, its inner mechanisms can be confusing, and sometimes it may read the wrong time or feel like it stops entirely. While time is a good guideline for life, it cannot serve as the definitive schedule for all your hopes and dreams. Ultimately, only you can do that. Growing up is important, but so is holding on to who you are. In the process of growing up, don't let your inner child fade away, because they exist for a reason. So let the constant ticking of time fade into the background for awhile, and enjoy the present.
