In the past few months, I have been sad, mad, angry, and happy. Life is so crazy! Just when I thought I had it all together and all mapped out, God had to step in and remind me that He is God and I am not and let me tell you friends, God is so good! I had to make a lot of changes in my life and they were not all easy, trust me.
When I graduated high school, a lot of people asked me "what's next?" and my answer always blew them away. I would say "well... I am going to go to my local college, get my bachelor's degree in elementary education, transfer to a bigger college, get really involved there, get married, get my master's degree in elementary education, and live in a house me and my husband fixed up together".
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Let's just lol for a moment.
I have really not ever allowed myself enough time to figure out who I really, truly am. Going into college, I was never even dead set on my major, it just seemed like the most fun major to go into. I really just jumped right on into it and said "I can't ever look back. This is it".
Boy was I wrong!
I can now proudly say, I am a freshman at my local college, majoring in social work, I am living life to the very fullest, and I have no intentions on getting married anytime soon or leaving.
I never knew what people meant when they said, "you have to lose everything to find what means everything" or "when you love something let it go". Now I completely get it. I let a lot go and none of it came back. I would throw little hissy fits and get all mad because "I have it all planned out" but God had other plans.
Since I have started college, I have changed so much but not in the typical "college way". I have changed who I talk to, who I let influence me, whose opinions I listen to, and who I hang out with. I have changed my friend group, my style, my job, my major, my study habits, my schedule, my church, and I have even gone as far as changing my routine and how I take care of myself. I would have never imagined I would end up here, like I said... I had it all planned out, but I am so glad God's plan is bigger than my own. That is the thing. GOD'S PLAN IS BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE PERFECT THAN ANYTHING YOU CAN IMAGINE!
I realized I wanted to change my major once I became friends with the "wrong crowd". College is really full of a lot of people who think a lot of unimportant and immature things are cool. I am just not that way. I don't party, I don't drink, and I really don't "turn up". On a Thursday night, you will find me studying or doing homework, or watching a movie with my family because I would rather do that than anything else.
I told my family before I even got to college, "I am going to have a hard time making friends". I was right. I am so thankful for the true friends I have but it took a lot to find them. When I became friends with the partiers, the drinkers, the druggies, I actually found myself. Sometimes it takes getting out of our comfort zone to find out who we really are.
I never knew I influenced people or had an impact on anyone's life until college. When I became friends with the "wrong crowd", they knew that I didn't party, drink, or do anything else like that and they actually told me how much respect they had for me because of that. It made me have a small reality check because I thought these were the people I needed to stay far, far away from but I was convicted because we are called to love everyone the way Jesus loves us.
I would've never been able to make the friends that I am friends with now, had I not changed. If I had stuck with MY plan, I would still be friends with the same people, be doing the same things, and not been very happy. Before this change, I was at a stand still in my life and I really was not growing. To be honest, I had grown very far away from God because nothing was changing in my life, I wasn't seeing him like I once did. OH I CAN SEE HIM NOW!!
When I completely lost myself, I found myself. I am so thankful for change and I encourage you all, if you are not happy, even just a little bit unhappy, change until you are happy again. Allow God to be the driver of your life and stop planning your life out
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalms 37:4
