I would like to say that most of my relationships thrive and revolve around communication. However, communication today looks very different than it did years ago. Earlier today my sister texted me from the other room asking to borrow something. How insane is that? We don't even have to get out of our beds to address an issue. Today we e-mail and text people instead of spending time with someone to talk or writing them a letter. Amongst all of the technology surrounding me today, I pondered on this question: If I did not have a cell phone, who would still be my friend? And I realized a few things.

I realized that many of my "friends" would in fact not be my friend if I did not have a cell phone. I thought about the hypothetical situation of throwing my phone away, and who would still contact me or reach out to me if I did not have a cell phone or social media. When I thought about which people in my life would actually take the time to come over to my house unannounced or write me a letter to see if I was okay, very few people came to my mind.

I realized that I am scared for the generations to come. I'm scared because I want them to experience the joy of getting a letter in the mail box or hearing the door bell ring. I'm scared because instead of riding bikes and rolling around in the backyard mud, kids are going to sit in front of a device all day until their eyeballs hurt from staring at the screen too long.

I realized that so much of my unhappiness and anxiety comes from social media and technology. I compare myself to the models of Instagram, making me feel self conscious. I compare myself to the couples on Facebook, making me feel lonely. I compare myself to my friends on Snapchat in different countries, having the time of their lives, making me feel like I am simply not enough.

I realized that I want to throw my phone away. Not to make myself feel more confident, but to allow myself to realize what and who really matters. When I think of the person, daughter, friend, student, co-worker, wife, mom, and woman of God who I want to become, communication has a lot to do with it. I want real communication. I want my friends to call me and tell me that they want to come over to talk rather than sending me a paragraph text message about how their day was. I want a boy to show up at my door with an invitation to go on a date rather than texting me "Wanna see a movie or something?" I want my children to build castles and forts rather than sitting in front of an iPad all day.

Although my cell phone has been great for communication, I have found parts of my self destroyed that were so alive at one point. I want real communication and a real life. I want to throw my phone away and see how life pans out. I want to see the world for what it really is rather than looking at it through other people's photographs. I want to take my own photographs throughout life and experience things without the hindrance or distraction of social media.