It's that time of year again where the whole western hemisphere goes crazy and actually has a reason to watch the weather channel for more than six seconds. Everyone within 100 miles of the ocean is either screaming as they race away from it or screaming as they stand in the street defiantly staring at storm crowds and one word is on everyone's mind: Hurricane.
In Florida, the beautiful Sunshine State that I once called home and Hurricane Central for the United States, there is a time honored tradition that many Floridians embrace in their own ways whenever the great storms come to rock our peninsula. That is the Hurricane Party. With this Hurricane Season being especially awful I thought it was only fitting to try to lighten the catastrophic mood with a guide on how to throw the best Hurricane Party ever wherever you are.
Step 1-Storm Watch
If there is one recovery for any Hurricane Party it is the Storm Watch. The party must be based in the room of the house with the largest television and the most seats available. The TV must be at the forefront of the room with only one thing allowed on its screen. This will be the preferred 24-hour weather surveillance of the News Channel covering the storm. The volume must be loud enough that regardless of how rowdy things get, you always have the overhanging thought of how a monstrous weather phenomenon is on the way.
Step 2-Supplies Galore
It is a requirement that all guests must bring some kind of supplies with them. Of course, this means food and drinks that should be properly distributed. Recommended supplies would be tortilla chips and salsa in memory of Miami as it is often one of the first hit, Dr. Pepper to represent the sweet water of the rivers and canals that turn brown from city junk washed away by the rain and, of course, blue cupcakes that can be made into the shape of the storm. If possible, a Hurricane Party cake is an excellent investment.
Step 3-Bath Tub Filling
A common practice of those who are about to experience a hurricane is to fill the sinks, bath tubs or any other containers with tap water that can be boiled if needed and then drank in the place of bottled water. Nothing makes a Hurricane Party a Hurricane Party quite as much as when everyone gathers around the tub chanting as it fills with what could be their lifeline.
Step 4-Wind Screaming
We have all the seen the pictures. We share them on Facebook and text them to friends whenever it rains a little too hard. Now it is your time to take up the call of the brave and stupid. With your friends, you shall go out into the street and let those 45 mph winds slam you in the face while you scream, preferably while yelling something about "Merica" and with a large flag or some other object in hand. Welcome to the Hurricane Party.
Step 5-Disaster Recovery
As the party winds down everybody must take part in the recovery measures and help to clean up the mess that is left. As this happens, music should be blasted to keep up high spirits. Hurricane Parties have a tendency to be as destructive as their namesakes.
Step 6-Evacuation Measures
When either the party has ended or the storm has passed all will leave at the same time as they play sirens from their phones or a stereo. Carpooling is expected as a way to conserve fuel. Now you may be thinking to yourself, wow that's it? Is the party really over? Absolutely not. It is simply, like the storm itself, moving locations. Where is the next location?
Step 7-Wafflehouse Hunker Down
Now we reach the final step of our Hurricane Party all guests have left the devestated Host home and have now made their way to Waffle House, the one resterant that will literally always be open in a Hurricane until the wind picks it up and drops it off in Fiji. A lot of people do not know this, but Wafflehouse has a specific protocol system for natural disasters that ensures that until the resteraunt can literally not be manned at any cost due to the resteraunt being destroyed or decimate beyond a workable manner, it must stay open. Enjoy your waffles as the world ends! Be safe so you can hopefully have another Hurricane Party just as great next year!
