Are you restless, hungry, and in need of an excuse to gather your friends so you can humiliate all of them (and yourself) in front of each other within the time span of two hours or so? Well, here is the ultimate guide to having the most rad summer bash to do just that! I've done the "research" and hunted for some pictures to provide you with all of the information under the sun. This guide will show you how to decorate your bungalow, what food and drinks to concoct, what clothes to wear, what the best playlists are, and even some conversation starters! So get ready, get set, and get lit!
"The best summer bashes aren't complete until thanks is given in the form of dance to the party gods."
Getting Started:
Before you start gathering the supplies to spawn your salacious summer soiree, there are a few things you need to know/do first:
1. Create your guest list:
Hop on all of your favorite social media sites, check your phone, and ring your neighbors' doorbells to give them an invitation to your party! Don't forget to also make a Facebook group, start a GroupMe, send out an email chain, post about it on Tumblr, and send everyone texts so no one forgets to show up!
2. Get that parental permission/supervision
Make sure you have your parents' permission before you set the party location at your house/apartment/igloo. Your parents most likely will also want to tag along to your party because it's going to be the rager of the year. To remedy this, just dub your parents "chaperones" so you sound cool in front of your friends. If you're at least 10 years old though, you're probs fine without parents.
3. $$$
Dolla Dolla bilz y'all! Start a Gofundme or something so you can actually afford to buy party supplies and bribe your guests. This is very, very important. If making bank doesn't sound feasible to you, give your party guests a "suggested donation" at the door. This way, you can save money and there is less pressure to have a great party because guests will get what they pay for.
4. Call your neighbors so they don't call the po-po
If you didn't invite your neighbors, warn them that it's about to get rowdy on the cul-de-sac! No one wants the party pooper police to come and end things early because Betty from two houses down called in a noise complaint. It's probably better just to invite the neighbors regardless, so they don't call out of jealousy anyway.
5. Get some security
If you are inviting a lot of people, consider a hiring a bouncer to kick out those lame nerds you don't want to see barfing in the corner of your basement. The image of a bouncer at your front door will also give your party some ethos, which is always a plus!
Decor
There are a zillion options on how to decorate your party space, so here are a few of my favorites! As always, feel free to branch off of these inspiring photos and decorate your party cave however you want. Or, just leave your place exactly how it looks right this moment! I'm sure everyone wants to see your crusty underwear and crumpled tissues on the floor — it really adds to the atmosphere.
1. Trap/Haunted/Deteriorating House
The ultimate "come as you are" kind of party is bound to take place in a venue that looks like this. People won't be able to tell if they are about to turn some tricks, get spooked, or fall through the floor. There may or may not even be some uninvited guests that come with a venue decorated like this, such as termites, asbestos, or mice. And what I say to that is the more the merrier! Live and let live! Viva la fiesta de verano fabulosa! Don't forget the spider webs and flashlights!
2. A Factory
Kind of like Build-A-Bear, a party at (or decorated like) a factory is sure to bring your guests joy that is sparked by pure imagination and innovation! Organize everyone in stations like a real assembly line so they can quickly complete tasks such as folding your laundry! To really bring this look to life, replace every light with a hanging fluorescent lamp, organize your furniture in straight lines, and remove all chairs. Maybe have a smoke machine going too to make conditions even more realistic!
3. Trampoline
The trendiest craze in the party decoration industry is to cover everything with trampolines. No surface is stable and no liquid is safe! You literally do not need any furniture if you turn your house into a bounce house. If you also provide lots of sugary drinks and candies, guests can literally bounce off the walls. Make sure you inform your guests that there will be trampolines though, so they can prepare their "tramp" legs and bring protective gear.
Food/Drinks
Probably the most vital instrument to orchestrating the perfect summer party is having the right food and beverages. Follow this guide to properly feed and water the masses! But no nuts, no one likes nuts.
1. Every kind of cheese known to mankind
Cheese is love, cheese is life. I really don't feel like I have to explain myself on this one.
2. Dust
Dust is the ultimate money saver and finger food! Scrape all the dust off of every surface in your house and place the piles in serving dishes. Extra brownie points can be earned if you arrange the dust into the shape of a bunny. Eat up me hearties yo ho!
3. Worms — both real and sour gummy
I prefer to mix both real earth worms and sour gummy worms together, sort of like a nice Chex mix. The sugar from the gummies will provide the sour, while the dirt from the real worms will provide the sweet! The best of both worlds!
4. Half-frozen milk
Just like the lunch room used to serve in middle school! Bring back feelings of nostalgia for your guests with this delicious cow drink! Drink it with a spoon or a straw.
5. Lemonade powder
Whatever you do, don't add powder!
Music
The proper songs set the proper mood, and you want that mood to be swag! So here is a list of the best songs that will result in the best dance parties. Follow me on Spotify, fools. Warning: there may be some explicit content.
1. "Dancing Queen" by Wing
2. "Banana Phone" by Raffi
3. "Cows with Guns" by Dana Lyons
4. "Jellyfish Jam" from Spongebob
5. "Baby Got Back" by Jonathan Coulton
6. "Promenade Satellite Pictures at an Exhibition" by Neil Cicierga
7. "Pingu Theme Trap Remix" by Major League Wobs
8. "Thomas the Tank Engine Remix" by Biggie Smalls
9. The Illuminati song from "The X-Files"
10. "The Droid Room" from the Star Tours attraction at Walt Disney World
Clothes
You don't want to show up to your own party looking like a complete trash coon. Use this style guide to make your plebe guests feel inferior. Or here's an idea; instate a dress code for your banger so everyone has to wear something specific! Who doesn't love a costume party? This makes it easier for your bouncer to toss out the complete nerds, too. If you don't dress up, get out! Or if you're not about that, your bouncer can kick anyone to the curb who wears socks, a man bun, whatever your heart loathes.Go nuts (but not really, because what if someone is allergic?)!
1. A trash bag
Be classy and practical with a trash bag for an outfit! When the party is over, just shove everything in your pants and take yourself out! Simple!
2. Cowboy suit
3. Birthday suit
It's free and it's got good air flow! Going in the buff is always a great option and a good excuse to show people you're a proud innie or outie!
4. Tape
Go wild and put tape all over yourself wherever you feel like it! This look often works well with the birthday suit option, especially if you are too lazy to shave!
5. 1700s Colonial America
This founding father's look is very on trend, especially with "Hamilton" being a thing right now. Don't forget your wooden teeth and dysentery!
Conversation Starters
Here are some really fun topics and phrases to bring up at your party in case there is ever a lull. I 100 percent guarantee that these will get people talking, or your money back!
1. "What's your favorite potty training memory?"
2. "Let's rank the Shrek movies from best to worst and then critically analyze them!"
3. "Let me tell you about the time I raised a caterpillar from birth."
4. "Wanna see my old X-rays from that time I broke my [insert body part here]?"
5. "Tickle fight! No hands allowed!"
6. "What do I smell like to you?"
7. "If you farted and you know it clap your hands!"
8. "Do you believe in vaccinations?"
9. "Where do the mice live in your house?"
10. "Why are you in my house!?"
Ultimately, I hope these trips and tricks will help you throw the best summer party of the century! I apologize if I am lacking any information here that is preventing you from throwing the perfect summer party. However, this is your party after all, so I expect you to at least do some of the creative work. And with that, I shall leave you with one last tidbit of information: a quote from my favorite TV show, "Arthur". "Having fun isn't hard, when you've got a library card!" So keep that in mind and go forth in turning up!
