Once upon a time, there was a boy who broke a girl's heart and filled her mind with unanswered questions. That girl became defective and numb to her feelings and confused lust with love. Sound familiar? The day you came into my life was the best yet worse thing that could happen to me. I not only had some of my happiest moments with you, but some of the worst. You have changed me forever and not in the best way. I compare every boy I meet to you in some sort of perspective. It was like a curse that made every single one the same.
Whether it was their laugh, humor, smile, or ego, it ruined that person who possibly could have been my forever. They couldn't compare to you because your presence alone was like a high I never wanted to come down from. Now that I'm no longer caught in your trance I see what you really felt about me--nothing. Loving you has become exhausting, and now I'm saying goodbye to what we used to be. Its time to create a new life for myself--one that doesn't concern you.
I'm starting to believe that the constant sickness in my stomach I felt before seeing you was a sign that I should have cut you off long ago. Most people feel happy but I felt nervous and scared because you had a bad habit of always getting what you wanted and not talking to me afterwards. I was left clueless and questioned my appearance by stabbing my confidence repeatedly with sharp, hurtful thoughts. I thought to myself that maybe I'll look pretty enough this time, and I'll leave a good impression, and maybe tomorrow I'll receive a cute good morning text. It's the next day, and you're gone because someone better always came along or caught your eye. Go figure!
I can't remember the last time you called me beautiful; your words stopped feeling true and it must be because of the constant abuse to my heart. After all these things you did to me, why did I still love you? You were everything and more as if you put the stars in the sky. In reality, you were helpless. You couldn't even do your own homework, but I was always there for you to finish it because you knew I was too kind to tell you no, probably because you wouldn't take no for an answer.
Notice how I never asked you for anything? I never expected much from you because you wouldn't cross a road for me, much less try and please me. You did nothing for me, even though I was constantly crossing oceans with high waves and strong winds for you. I have wasted three years on what I thought was love but you thought was meaningless. You're the happy one and I'm the idiot with commitment and trust issues. I knew deep down inside it wasn't going to work out, but I couldn't stop the visions in my head of what I thought we could have been. I put you on a pedestal while your friends didn't even know about me.
I didn't know what I wanted or how I was supposed to be treated, but I thank you for showing me what I truly deserve and need. You have raised my standards, and I couldn't be more grateful for all the wasted time and endless tears. It's been a painful lesson, but it's one I wont forget. You were a great teacher but I'm dismissing class and you. Now, its my turn to actually feel happy without you holding me back.
I deserve someone who is willing to make a future out of us and take risks. I'll be sure that the talking phase won't be as long or as miserable as ours because I still question how I let you get away with so much of my life. I'll know he's nothing like you when I get butterflies every time I see him and feel safe with him. He will give me everything you didn't and you'll look at me in agony thinking about what could have been. My advice to you would be to not hold back a girl you don't want a future with because that girl is someone's everything. It's possible that it was the wrong time between us, but I wish you would let me off of my leash much sooner. I've done some growing up and now its time for my last goodbye.
Goodbye.
