There's two sets of three little words that cause feelings in a relationship. The first set-the one that expresses adoration towards the other person, validating their respect and love for them, which has made its way onto wall art, cards, and into our everyday lives. The second phrase-which sends one's heart into their stomach, and their minds into a world unknown.
Let's talk about the first phrase for a second. The three words every girl wants to hear from a boy she cares about, and hopes to keep saying to said boy until the world stops turning. When I first heard these words, my heart was so full. I don't think a smile left my face for the rest of the night. I felt so warm, fuzzy, and confident about my relationship moving forward. I was on cloud nine for a while afterwards, letting this not totally encapsulate me, but it made me feel good, if I'm being completely honest. Of course I had said these words to my parents, family members, and friends, but it's a different experience when saying them to a significant other. Even if this phrase wasn't often said, when it was, I knew it meant something. I didn't want a meaningless relationship where words or actions were thrown around for the sake of just simply being in a relationship.
Sometimes, when love wasn't spoken, it was shown through actions. Coffee, movie, and hiking dates which were filled with conversations that validated and made my love clear. Wanting to spend hours on end with this person who meant so much to me was my motivation throughout the course of the relationship. I was in a whirlwind. This being my first ever relationship, it meant a lot to me. I had never felt a majority of these feelings before, this new world making its mark on me in significant and multiple ways. I was so happy, so full of life, I finally understood what all my friends had been talking about, and got the reasons behind why they were always so happy being with their significant other.
The second phrase. One that nobody wants to ever hear.
The one that made me feel the worst emotions I've ever felt in my 18 years of living. This was worse than getting shots at the doctors office, worse than getting a bad score on a test, and even worse than a dog passing away in my opinion. As the words "Can we talk?" were embedded in my text messages, my mind was immediately thinking and expecting the worst. A phone call was instantly made, and my conclusions were correct. I'm always bad at conveying emotion through text, however, there's a universal theme that goes along with those three words. The connotations are never positive.
After this, I went through a personal hell. Yes, I had amazing friends and family to help support, motivate, and be there for me, but that didn't stop me from constantly wondering where I went wrong. Even though I was assured I was at no fault, part of me always wonders what I could've done different. The amount of tears I shed will never make up for the amount I know weren't shed on the other side. Days went by where it was constantly on my mind, even when I know other things should be occupying that space. I had so many new things to look forward to. College, for example! I was going to be a new person practically. This was the perfect time to shed old skin and truly find my niche, I tried to convince myself. It didn't work. Still, I was up late at night racking my brain trying to understand where I went wrong. I tried to convince myself, time and time again, that it wasn't my fault. It didn't work. Finally, after a month or so, the tears subsided, I was focusing on better things, such as my upcoming move to college, and was spending time with other friends, trying to distract myself.
These two phrases will forever have an impact on whoever's life they show up in, as they have mine. While these words are often thrown around in meaningless context, when they aren't, they can cause one heck of a rollercoaster of emotions.
