You just got home after a long day of work. Your friends text you saying that they’re all going out, and “need you” to attend. You figure that since you don’t have much else to do, you’ll go. Your friends are cool and it’s been a rough day, which just so happens to be the perfect combination for a good night. The only thing is, it’s already 8:30 pm and you still need to shower and “paint your face for the gods”. You told your friends you’d be ready in 15 minutes, but it’s been 45 and the Uber is growing impatient. What’s going through your mind during that time?

1. Have I always looked like this?
2. Why didn’t anyone tell me this was my starting canvas?
3. I was really looking forward to eating my weight in pizza tonight.
4. Maybe some music will get me hyped to go out.
5. What are these songs?
6. $13.80 a month for this?
7. Spotify step up your game.
8. Oh wait, I like this song.
9. Yeah that’s right, “THIS GIRL IS ON FIREEE”
10. “SHE’S WALKING ON FIREEE”
11. Speaking of walking on fire, what shoes am I going to torture myself with tonight?
12. What am I thinking, my face isn’t even prepped yet.
13. I can’t start thinking about my accessories when I look like a really tired nine year old boy.
14. Okay, I’ll start by taming this beast of a mane on my head.
15. Brush, brush, brush.
16. Wet knotty hair, you are the pit of my existence.
17. Alright well I have officially lost half of my hair now.
18. Hopefully this air-dries well because “ain’t nobody got time” to blowdry.
19. Okay onto the face.
20. Oh hey new pimple in the middle of my nose.
21. Thank you for joining us today.
22. Where is that concealer?
23. It was literally just on the counter.
24. Seriously?
25. This is a small space, and I haven’t moved.
26. I’m so over tonight and it hasn’t even started yet.
27. Oh there it is, thank God.
28. Let’s paint some sleep onto my face.
29. I want my under-eyes to look like I sleep for 8+ hours a night.
30. Perfect.
31. Well-rested and caked up.
32. Time to carve my cheek bones.
33. “Contour so sharp you could cut a bitch”
34. I watch too much TV.
35. Man, I wish I could stay home and watch TV instead of go out.
36. But no, I have to “go out and be social”
37. Ugh.
38. Alright well there’s no turning back now.
39. I’m not messing around with eyeliner.
40. Some brown here, some darker brown here.
41. Ah screw it, where’s the black?
42. There you go eyes.
43. All the mascara.
44. Wow, alright cool.
45. Rocking a “raccoon that got punched in the face” look this evening.
46. I don’t even care anymore.
47. Setting spray to make it look like all of this cake face is my “flawless” skin.
48. Yeah this is about as good as it’s going to get from the neck up.
49. Clothes.
50. I don’t want to put on clothes.
51. I don’t even know if I actually like any of these.
52. That calls for more shaving than what I’ve done.
53. I don’t even know how to put that on.
54. This requires spanx, so that’s definitely not going to happen.
55. This is kind of cute.
56. But do I want cute or sexy?
57. Is there anyway to do both?
58. Oh God!
59. I was not ready for these sticky boobs to be this cold.
60. At this point, this could be my outfit and I wouldn’t even care.
61. Sticky boobs and a thong could pass as clothes.
62. I’ve seen worse.
63. I’ve done worse.
64. I’ve already committed too much time to tonight.
65. Alright time for real clothes now.
66. Okay tight black top and skinny jeans.
67. Classic look.
68. Pair it with some wedges.
69. That’s totally a look.
70. Have jeans always been this tight?
71. Yeah this is really cute, but sexy.
72. But not too sexy, or too cute.
73. Crushed it.
74. My hair looks like a sad mop.
75. Whatever.
76. It’s fine.
77. It’ll be dark anyway.
78. Oh good.
79. Creepy guy that always Snapchats and Facebook messages me wants to hang out.
80. I’m trying to let you off easy sir.
81. I haven’t responded to your advances for a reason.
82. Please leave me alone before I have to tell you off.
83. Oh wait.
84. I have like 17 other messages.
85. I don’t talk to 17 people.
86. Oh no.
87. It’s the group chat.
88. It’s been lit and I didn’t even know.
89. They’ve been waiting outside in the Uber for 20 minutes.
90. No guys don’t leave.
91. I was putting on my hot girl disguise.
92. I’M COMING!
93. Damn running in these wedges was definitely not the move.
94. Thank God they’re still here.
95. Oh don’t you all look great.
96. I look like a potato next to you guys.
97. Seriously, when did I get such hot friends?
98. Glad I took so much time to look mediocre.
99. Oh yay a snapchat selfie.
100. No go ahead and post it.
101. Lord knows you look hot hell.
102. No it’s okay I always look that… abstract.
103. Yeah we can take one on mine.
104. And my phone just died.
105. Great.
106. Glad I left my couch for this.