Working retail can be a special kind of hell. You love it, you hate it and sometimes the situations you find yourself in leave you wondering, "Why? Just why?"
When you work at a shoe store, you meet just about every kind of shopper or customer there is to meet. You don't mind most of them, and you learn to love and know your regular customers. However, it never fails -- there is always that special customer of the day who makes you question all of humanity.
As a properly trained employee, you grin and bear it, but sometimes you wish you were allowed to ask customers if their mom's ever raised them with any manners or common sense.
If you ever wanted to know what that employee was thinking as you tried to haggle them to exchange already worn shoes, without a receipt -- this is your chance.
Here are 15 thoughts you have probably had if you work at a shoe store:
1. "No, I will not help you put those shoes on."
Especially if you're over 5 years old. What is wrong with you? Put shoes on your own feet, please.
2. "OUR DISPLAYS ARE NOT TOYS."
Someone is actually going to spend their hard earned money on that pair of shoes. So, don't let your toddler run around with a $40 heel please.
3. "If you need a shoe box down from the tippy top of the shelf -- please just ask."
For the love of all things bright and warm, do not get on one of our ladders or step-ladders. I'm begging you.
4. "Is there a reason you left 12 shoe boxes on the floor, ma'am?"
Was that where you found them? No? Oh...
5. "Aw, your cute but devil-ish kid just put his slobbery fingers on every mirror in the store?"
How precious. Thank you! No one has to clean those or anything...I lied. Me. I have to clean those mirrors.
*Bonus points if they got the glass door on the way out too.*
6. "Oh you pulled all of the packaging and paper out of every shoe you tried on...and left it on the floor?"
You're such a nice person.
7. "They're buy-one-get-one 50 percent off?"
"Yes ma'am."
"So, which one do I get half off?"
"The cheaper of the two."
"So, I can't get this one half off?" *points to more expensive pair*
"No, ma'am..."
"What if I just buy this pair?"
"Then you'll pay full price."
"What if I buy just this pair?" *points to other pair*
"Then you will also pay full price..."
"Oh."
Some people just lack common sense, yet you never fully get used to it. In fact, if you haven't had a day off in awhile, it might even slowly start to drive you mad.
8. "How many times have I heard this Natasha Bedingfield song today?"
As annoyed as you are -- you sing every word anyway because you lack any self-control.
9. "Do you have any coupons?"
Yes, we just keep them on hand and pass them out for free. "I'm not sure, you'd have to check our website, ma'am."
And no, if they're expired -- I can't help you.
10. "I saw these same shoes on sale for cheaper at Marshall's."
I guess you should go back to Marshall's then, huh?
11. "How cheap are you?"
Sometimes you really just wanna ask a grouchy or stingy customer this. Whether it's a European traveler who doesn't understand that haggling isn't a thing in American retail, or a grumpy middle-aged woman who swears the price on the shelf was a whopping two dollars cheaper -- you're left standing there wondering what on Earth you are supposed to do about it.
("I don't get paid enough for this," may be a thought that follows).
12. No, we can't let you return these shoes you've clearly worn.
Especially if you don't have the receipt, either.
*Bonus points if they don't even have the shoe box!*
13. "I love my job. I love my job. I love my job."
Sometimes, you just have to remind yourself.
14. When the person who walked in three minutes to close finally checks out:
Customer: "Sorry for keeping you late." Oh no problem. Who likes to go home on time?
15. "At least I work with some pretty great people."
They make it possible to get through each day without going crazy.
What "thoughts" did I miss? Let me know in the comments below!
