The 2016 Summer Olympics, held in Rio, just wrapped up their first week of events. I love the Olympics so much for so many reasons. I don't know anything specific about these sports, and I mainly watch swimming to see attractive people swim ridiculously fast, but I kept questioning if the human body should be able to do what these athletes were doing.
1. This opening ceremony is pretty awesome. I mean it doesn’t have corgis like the 2012 opening ceremony, but it’s pretty great.
2. Olympic Dog Walking should totally be added as a sport.
3. Or, like, Olympic Dog Petting.
4. There needs to be more dogs.
5. So "cupping" is a thing?
6. Lochte… what did you do to your hair?
7. The diving pool is green? Why is the diving pool green?
8. I miss those Filipino divers. I loved them. Maybe they made it to the Olympics?
9. John Elmerson Fabriga is me. We are one person. He should be here.
10. Who is that?
11. Is he single?
12. Oh, he is only like nine years older than me… I can make it work.
13. Nathan Adrian is actually sunshine, and no one can convince me otherwise.
14. OK, but like, does rugby have any rules at all?
15. Oh, they got engaged! So cute!
16. What country is that?
17. Why didn’t I pay attention to geography more?
18. "I Believe I Can Fly" would be all that I would listen to if I were competing in the gymnastics events.
19. I could totally do that vault routine.
20. Well I could do it if I only had to run up to the vault.
21. Simone Biles is my age and she is the most decorated gymnast in the world… my biggest accomplishment was eating a large pizza by myself in under an hour…
22. How much do Olympic athletes actually eat though?
23. I think I would actually die if I had to be on a relay team with Michael Phelps.
24. That’s too much pressure. Nope. No thanks.
25. Are swimmers aware that their toes are basically fingers holding on to the podium?
26. I could probably swim that fast…you know, if I tried really, really, really hard.
27. Even though I know that table tennis is an Olympic sport, it still makes my heart happy.
28. Olympic Foosball should be a thing. Am I right?
29. Wait, the first gold for Team USA was a teen girl?
30. Yes! Go her! So proud!
31. All I can think about is that Bill Murray tweet right now.
32. I think I could go to the Olympics if ordering obscene amounts of food from Taco Bell and Chick-fil-A for one person ever became a sport.
