A big part of this thing people call “adulting” is getting a job. As awful as that sounds to those of use who refuse to grow up, it is a sad fact of life. All across campus, the over achievers are lining up jobs and internships with their gorgeously crafted resumes full of prior job experience and volunteer experience that makes them look like Mother Teresa while you are lucky enough if you remember to feed your cat. You are tired of your parents constantly nagging you about your lack of finances, and you definitely feel like the slacker. You decide to prove everyone wrong and begin your resume.

1. I'm going to apply for a job!

I should probably get my life together at some point, and a job sounds like a decent place to start, right? How hard can it be!?

2. This should be pretty easy. I've got many cool qualities.

I mean, who else can binge watch ten seasons of "Grey's Anatomy" in two weeks!? I'm really good at procrastinating and being overly dramatic. See?! This is going great!

3. Wait, why are there so many options?

I am already too overwhelmed. What have I gotten myself into? Is there a right layout to use? Is my font too plain? Why can't there be a universal template where I just fill in the blanks?

4. What if I don't technically have previous work experience?

Do I leave this section blank or...

5. How do I make myself sound cooler than I actually am?

I don't know what pragmatic means, but I think it makes me sound important. I would totally hire a pragmatic person.

6. Can "padding resumes" go on my resume?

Cause I am doing a really good job so far at making myself sound legit in the most honest way I possibly can.

7. Can I list my best friends as references?

My lack of professional experience really limits my options here. If we are being totally honest, my friends know me the most out of anyone. They will tell you about the REAL me.

8. Have I ever actually accomplished anything?

Yeah, I won the spelling bee in the 2nd grade, and I am a beast at beer pong. But I can't say that I've written a remarkable thesis or anything. I'm only an undergrad.

9. Do I really even need this job?

You know, this isn't worth all this hassle. I don't need this job anyways. I have a lot of other responsibilities to tend to. A job would be too much on my plate.

10. Unfortunately, yes I do.

As much as I hate to admit it, I do need it. I'm broke. How else am I going to pay for my love of Chik-fil-A and Starbucks?

11. If you could hire me, that'd be great.

I am in serious need of this job. What I lack in resume quality, I totally make up in enthusiasm.