Two and a half episodes into 'Bachelor In Paradise,' and I have wasted approximately five hours of my life. Who knows what I could’ve accomplished in those five hours? Could I have found the cure for cancer? Could I have written a book? Could I have swam across the Atlantic? All rather unlikely scenarios, but there’s no telling whether or not one could’ve actually happened.
Opting out of anything productive, I decided to spend those hours watching 'Bachelor In Paradise,' and honestly, I will continue to do so. I will dedicate two-hour chunks of my life every Monday (and Tuesday, sometimes, if there’s a one hour episode) to watch it because, although it’s so bad and cheesy, I have to know what happens. It’s like the show 'Pretty Little Liars.' Everyone was fed up with that show ages ago, yet here I am, all caught up and needing to know what happens next. That being said, here are the thoughts I had while watching a few episodes of 'Bachelor In Paradise' for the first time.
1. Why is this starting out like the opening credits of 'Full House'?
2. Is this actually happening right now? I hate this.
3. Haha, wait. They did not all just dive into the pool like that.
4. The show hasn't even started and I’m already over this. Please, make it stop.
5. Aw, people from the same season are reuniting. How precious.
6. Some of them hate each other, but it’s fine.
7. I saw Caila from Ben’s season in the commercials for this show, where is she at?
8. OK, so people get sent home and new ones come on later, but like, when will the show end if that keeps happening? I’m confused.
9. Of course! When Chad is about to arrive in paradise, they make it seem like he’s a giant monster about to destroy an entire city.
10. He basically is, though.
11. If they show one more crab walking around, I’m seriously going to lose it.
12. Here’s an idea for a 'Bachelor In Paradise' drinking game: Take a shot every time Daniel says “eh?”
13. Did Daniel just compare himself to herpes? Great comparison, Daniel!
14. “You're being so un-murdery.” Why? Why you gotta be like that, Chad?
15. Chad got kicked off after the first night. What a surprise!
16. Ha, Lea arrives in paradise and leaves right away. Serves her right for trying to steal Amanda’s man!
17. Carly is hilarious! I feel so bad for her. That one-on-one with Evan looked extremely painful, but she was such a trooper.
18. At least she got a world record out of that date.
19. *Loses it because they show another crab*
20. I feel so bad for Nick. If this Josh guy swooped in on his girl again that would be super unfortunate.
21. Well, Josh is succeeding. Aaaand he’s being an ass about it.
22. “Evan makes me have erectile dysfunction.” Carly, back at it again with the hilarious comments about Evan.
23. Evan is going to try to get Amanda, the one it seems everyone wants right now? Oh boy.
24. OMG stop. Don’t write your own date card, Evan.
25. This has disaster written all over it. I can’t watch.
26. Just kidding, I can! The embarrassment is going to be so real though.
27. Of course, I have to wait until next week to find out how this all goes down.
28. Oh hey! Caila is in the commercials for next week’s episode! It’s about time.
29. Forecast for next week's episode: Evan makes a fool of himself and gets sent home. As for the rest, I'm unsure of what will happen/don’t care enough to predict their outcomes.
