Snapchat. Snapchat streaks. Snapchat filters. Geotags. Time stamps. 1.4 mph. 19 degrees Celsius. The list goes on and on. Here are some thoughts that your Average Joe may have while perusing this amazing, life-changing form of social media. And yes, I am guilty of doing, thinking, and saying all ten…
1. “Why can’t they just let us see everyone’s top three friends again?”
If you’re at all like me, you definitely miss the good old days when Snapchat kindly displayed to everyone who had whom as their top three best friends. This was a sure-fire way of knowing who was putting in work with whom, who was encroaching upon your territory (i.e. the love of your life) and who was messing around in secret. Bring it back, Snapchat! We are all dying to know.
2. “What the heck is this filter?”
The huge, purple lip filter. The manic, rabid bunny. The (kind of sexy) bearded man. These are among some of Snapchat’s finest filters that could disguise you even on your worst day. It seems like a new filter is added to the list everyday, and we all can’t help but wonder who the masterminds behind these ingenious creations are. Thank you for your pizzazz, SC!
3. “Oh my gosh. Front camera. Absolutely not.”
Everyone has had that moment when they click on the Snapchat app to see what’s good in the boring worlds of all their friends. And lo and behold, tragedy strikes in the form of the front-facing camera. It captures the quadruple chin that you swear wasn’t there two minutes ago while emphasizing everything bad you didn’t know existed about your face. Thank you for the reality check, Snapchat. You keep us all young and constantly striving toward self-improvement.
4. “Here, take a picture of this Snapchat with your phone so they don’t know I’m screenshotting it.”
This technique is a simple, yet effective means of capturing something incriminating on your worst enemy’s Snapchat story. Whether you’re a truly evil person or you’re just trying to do some innocent detective work like our fave girl Nancy Drew, having your pal take a photo on their phone of the story pulled up on your phone will get the job done every time.
5. “Why did she just post a 100-second long story from that concert?”
Actually, no one cares that you went to the concert downtown last night. Everyone and their mother is just clicking their way through your Snapchat story without turning the sound on and without watching each clip in its entirety. Save everyone a few seconds of their lives and spare their mental health by actually watching the concert yourself and putting your phone down. Unless it’s Beyoncé, in which case, Snap away, my friends!
6. “Make sure you slap a filter on that.”
Who doesn’t love the tan filter on Snapchat? It does wonders for even the palest of folks (myself among them), and it seems to illuminate the true beauty that lies within each individual captured in the photo. Who knows? That filter could have just won over the boy you’ve been flirting with or the girl you wanted to ask out! Simply swiping across your screen can give you so much power, so why not make the most of it?
7. “Oh. My. God. Take that off your story immediately.”
Not even I want to know or see what I did last night. And neither should anyone else. Thank you, and goodbye. Also, how would you feel if 178 people saw you doing that? Ugh. You’re the worst.
8. “OK. I get it. You went to a party last night.”
I had no idea that there was any sort of social gathering going on last night. I mean, once I saw the 32 Snapchats of freshmen dancing on tables and people stumbling around singing Kanye badly, I thought something must have been up. But still. I couldn’t exactly say what was happening. College, man!
9. “You know I’m not playing any of these with the sound on…"
Even if it says “sound on,” you can bet your bottom dollar that my sound will not be on. I like to immerse myself in the worlds of others from a distance only, and the volume would create too much of a problem for me.
10. “You know who never views my stories anymore…”
He literally, legitimately has not viewed my Snap story since January. I think he might have blocked me. Wait, how do I see if he actually, literally blocked me? I can’t remember. Ugh! Boys these days!
