Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. By father, I mean literally my biological father.
I am wasting your money ($1 a minute to be exact) by sitting in my lecture, not focusing and more specifically, writing an article on what I am thinking during this torturous two-hour block of listening to a sweet old white guy talk about... well, actually, I don't really know what he is talking about.
That reminds me:
1. Wait what are we talking about?
2. Man, I could really go for a Starbucks run right about now.
3. Do you think the prof would notice if I slipped out and returned with a panini and a latte?
4. Oh shit. FOCUS.
5. I wonder what Khloe Kardashian is up to.
6. I should go to the gym after class.
7. LOL, nah.
8. Rom-coms are a fucking scam. There is not a single hot guy in here.
9. Wait. Why are people taking notes? Should I be taking notes?
10. OK, took a couple notes, time to reward myself with SnapChat.
11. Why does that kid always feel the need to share his opinion?
12. I am only pretty sure I know what we're talking about but I know 100% that you are deadass wrong.
13. Class has to almost be over, right?
14. Oh bloody hell, we are only 35 minutes in.
15. I need to make some loyal friends who will sign my name on the attendance sheet.
16. Did my professor just say "pornography"?
17. Holy shit, sweet George is talking about porn.
18. Oh right, this is a Freedom of Speech class.
19. Are you telling me porn is protected by free speech?
20. Go 'Merica.
21. Are liberals allowed to say "go 'Merica" or is that like a confederate-flag-on-your-truck type of thing?
22. Bitch, why would you bother coming to class if you're just going to show up 40 minutes late?
24. Alright, so 40 minutes down. 80 to go.
25. I really wish that chick wouldn't have come in late because I wouldn't have looked at the clock.
26. I would thoroughly enjoy chatting with my neighbor right now but that is such a freshman move to pull.
27. I AM AN ADULT WHO DOESN'T DISTRACT MY NEIGHBORS.
28. Oh my gosh. Shut up, you dumb twat. You have no idea what you are talking about.
29. Is it weird that I drop the f-bomb 12 times an hour but won't take the Lord's name in vain?
30. My momma raised me right.
31. Wait why did that chick just tell my prof about the phone number 696-9696?
32. Did she just say "just strippers"? That was rude.
33. Damn. Strippers work so hard and get shit on by society.
34. People need to be nicer and more respectful to strippers.
35. Maybe I should pay attention. This is actually kind of interesting.
36. What ever happened with Lady Doritos?
37. I feel like you can tell a lot about a person on what time of Doritos they like.
38. Cool Ranch: Try-hard people or a Chaco wearer.
39. Nacho cheese: Classic, traditional people. Probably owns Sperrys.
40. Spicy Doritos: Middle school boys.
41. Are there more Doritos?
42. I am so hungry.
43. Can we take a break soon?
44. Sex.
45. Stop thinking about sex during class.
46. Wow, I am going to hell for sure.
47. Knock on wood.
48. Did George just say "sex"?
49. What in the hell does this have to do with media law?
50. I love my major.
51. Go journalism.
52. This article is probably not hard-hitting journalism.
53. Oh boy. What if future employers read this?
54. I doubt they would get this far.
55. Who the hell reads 55 points?
56. What the fuck? How am I at 56 points?
57. FOCUS.
58. Bitch, I'm back and looking better than ever.
59. Oooh, text message.
60. OK, well, it is from my mom.
61. I have no friends.
62. Damn, that guy was so cute and then he bleached his hair and looks like the Nazi from "The Sound of Music."
63. Is it OK to call someone a specific Nazi?
64. Calling someone a Nazi is definitely not OK unless they are like actually a Nazi.
65. Oh boy. This is a bad rabbit hole to get into.
66. OK, 53 minutes into class. You got this.
67. GEORGE, YOU ALWAYS GIVE US A BREAK AT THE TOP OF THE HOUR.
68. DO IT FOR THE CULTURE, GEORGE.
69. Ha. 69
