Dating is something that doesn't come naturally to every man out there. In fact, some never master it at all, while others get it down pat like learning how to walk. There are people who date as though their life depends on it (me, laugh out loud) or those who couldn't give two thoughts about wanting to settle down.
Here are 13 thoughts every man experiences when he is single in his mid-to-late 20s.
1. Wow, I really suck at relationships.
If you're thinking this, I want you to be aware that you're not the only one. I know that doesn't necessarily make you feel a whole lot better, but before you can really be great at relationships, it takes being able to consistently have the hard-headedness and soft-heartedness to have the conversations with the one you want (confidence). That's probably what the hardest thing is since your confidence can easily take a big hit at the first shot to the heart. (Also because you've had enough of people telling you to suck it up. If you wish that to people you might as well be able to have it dished to you as well. Hint hint.)
2. I don't know if I'll ever be able to have a long-lasting relationship.
You think about those around you who have been in relationships for three-plus years and are younger than you, and your singleness at your current age makes you feel like you can't make it happen. It's a really sad feeling since you're also jealous of those who are making it happen. You question yourself and your ability to love a special woman the way those around you have loved their baes for a long time.
3. I wish I learned how to date sooner.
Some men in their mid-to-late 20s weren't taught how to date, where their parents didn't date each other at all. Their parents didn't show them how to be physically affectionate, or about love languages, or even how to treat a woman right. Some men have to learn this all on their own so their viewpoint of what is or isn't right is flawed.
4. I don't feel like opening up to people.
It's incredibly difficult to tell people about your struggles. Even if you have the courage to open up, you still feel like there's something weighing you down. There are people who will make you feel small for having your issues, which makes things worse than they already are.
5. I wonder if dating is even worthwhile anymore.
It might take a long time before you even think about putting yourself out there again, if ever. Sometimes you need to just have people to talk to, regardless of whether or not you want to date them.
6. I'm a prude.
It's just so easy to self-deprecate and look at all your shortcomings when you've struggled at something for long enough. On the other hand, it's important to remind yourself that these are learning experiences, no matter how hard they are for you to face head-on.
7. I'm not really a man.
This is more of the self-deprecating nature that a lot of people resort to. Those who are in their mid-to-late 20s and are single probably feel like they've failed in some way since they believe in deadlines with regard to dating.
8. I'm not dateable anymore.
Even though the 25-30 age range is still a prime dating age for men, some of them have tried time and time again for years without much success, and it feels like they've burnt out. It's important to take time to rejuvenate and refill. It's too easy to forget that because men are told that they should suck it up and keep going. Especially from those closest to them (family).
9. I'm better off on my own anyway.
This is perceived as a sign of giving up, or a sign of self-love. It's sad to see people giving up on finding love at a ripe age of 25 and you don't even have to experience multiple relationships to feel that way. You could have close family tell you certain things and condition you to believe them, making it harder to be vulnerable with beautifully-hearted people of the kind you're attracted to. It's hard for you to see that for whatever reason.
10. I have to act differently to get what I want.
In your mind, whatever you've been doing hasn't worked, so if you tried to be nice without any kind of physical contact, you changed things to really initiate physical contact / gentle flirting / physical touch / etc., to try to succeed. You feel like your life depends on it since you're trying to do anything to stand out.
11. I'm not going to try to date for a long time.
This ties into some of the earlier ones described, but this is a good measure to take for your own heart and to make yourself feel whole again. Whatever this is, just do it. Step away from the game a bit since it's playing you like a violin.
12. God said "not now."
You don't have to believe in God, but if you believe in Him, you've probably received some sign that He has something better in mind for you.
13. I will make it through this.
It's really hard to, but this is the push that you need to keep on going. God's with you, your friends are with you, and whomever you feel close to is supporting you. Believing in you. Loving you. Even if you struggle with it.
Being single is incredibly difficult, just like a relationship is. There are people that want to be in your position, even though you feel like you hate it. Just remember that your feelings are valid, first and foremost. Remember that there are people who have your back, and that you don't need to rush. You have every right to make yourself whole, and to take the measures you need to be happy and healthy. That's how the relationship you desire should be like, and because you're trying to chase happiness and good health, it's something you don't currently have. Find a way to build that up away from the dating game, and also build up your confidence during that time.
Trust the process you believe in, whether that's God's plan or some other plan. You shouldn't have to feel like doubting yourself time and time again. You should feel like you're able to open your life to those who deserve to be around you, and free the demons from your heart and head. You're going to get through this.
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