Do you feel that Bergdorf Goodman is your temple? Are you in a committed relationship with your credit card? Is shopping your outlet of getting rid of stress? Would you rather go shopping than spend the day relaxing in the beach? If so, you are suffering from shopaholic's syndrome. Here is a list of thoughts every shopaholic has on a daily basis:
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1. Pets
Getting a pet is great -- cats, dogs, fish, or any sort of thing you can keep makes you care for something beyond yourself and gives you company. (Some are huggable, too!) As a pet owner, you can definitely tell when they’ve gotten into trouble … and sometimes you get a little weird with them. Non-pet owners just wouldn’t understand.
2. Mornings
Without parents to wake you up, how do you even? Or, you know, if you fall asleep at your desk studying because you're working hard. Rough life, man. And mornings were hard enough as it was.
3. Mistakes
We all make mistakes, Ross. It's fine. Whether you mixed your colored laundry with your whites, or you were cleaning and you bleached something that was not meant to be bleached, there's gonna be nobody at fault but you. And even if you're by yourself (or your cat is judging you), you have to own up to it, and move on.
4. Cooking for yourself
Nobody can do sarcasm like Phoebe. Cooking is very exciting in the beginning and all, but once you're at that stage in your life when you're too lazy to even make ramen, and all you have in your fridge is an empty milk carton and some leftovers from last week, well, it's a lot less fun.
5. Hosting
You've finally got a place where your friends can hang and people can come over! But see above. Cooking, cleaning, all that stuff you need to do to prepare for guests is harder than it seems, and if you keep telling yourself that pizza isn't a cop-out, then everything will work out.
6. Taking care of yourself
Just like Chandler, you might not be entirely aware of what health and sanitation is. It's fine, we've all been there. And it's a lot harder than it seems. You're not alone.
7. Holidays
Since you can go all out, you will, and there's nothing your roommates can do about it. Friendsgiving? Heck yeah! St. Patty's Day? Of course! And best of all, Halloween, where your space becomes the spookiest around (on a budget, of course, nobody's made of money).
8. Roommates
So maybe you don't live exactly alone. It's good to have a roommate, right? Especially if they're a good roommate, so you don't have to be picking up after them or complaining to your cat. And when you want to have a do-nothing day, they'll be there for you (and you'll be there for them too.)
9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done
Don't even pretend. That's hilarious. If you can study, good for you, but the rest of us will be over here not doing what we should and hanging out with our friends instead. And cramming and panicking later.
10. Cleaning
If you've ever cleaned a place after a party, you are a survivor, a true warrior. Even cleaning bathrooms or the nooks and crannies of your place before a parent visits will yield some interesting results, however. You never know what you'll find, but it's usually not pleasant.
11. Social life
There's only two modes here: #foreveralone or everything's coming up roses. Without supervision or even any sort of restriction, you can do what you want to when you want to. That means going out ... or staying in. You can do whatever.
Pexels
I digress.
Point being, family is always there – on the good days, the bad days, and even the days that you forget to shower (thanks guys). They still remind you to tie your shoes before you leave the house, and they wake you up when your alarm goes off 6 times and you still haven’t gotten out of bed. They support you in the bad times, applaud you in the good times, and, of course, lovingly humiliate you in all the worst times.
Unless you’re my brother, who likes to strip down every ounce of pride and good character that I have left in my body after enduring a 15-week semester from hell.
Totally kidding. I love my brother. And my semester wasn’t actually personally gifted to me by Satan himself.
But that doesn’t negate the fact that during Thanksgiving break this year, he decided to tell me that I’m the family member with the “resting bitch face”.
“It’s not that bad,” he tried to tell me.
Thanks. Happy Thanksgiving.
What is it about the infamous “RBF” that makes some people just… have it? Why do I have one, but my mom doesn’t? Why does the girl across the hall have one, but her roommate doesn’t? Why does the cashier at Dairy Queen have one, but everyone who gets ice cream from her doesn’t?
It’s talent. It has to be.
I guess I don’t disagree with my brother. But he’s definitely the first one to have ever pointed it out. If you’re anything like me (and your brother tried to soften the blow by telling you that Pout-Pout Fish was “your book”), then you might resonate with these 7 things whenever someone asks you, “Do you know what an “RBF” is?"
1. You’re tired of people asking you if you know what “RBF” stands for every time you zone out.
I already know where this is going.
2. You’re constantly using the excuse, “I’m just tired” when people ask you if you’re mad.
I mean, I’m not lying. I’m in college. “Tired” is just another thing that courses through my veins and keeps me alive – alongside caffeine, Netflix, and probably really cheap alcohol.
3. Or “I’m just thinking.”
Thinking about the next time I’m going to get food, probably. No really, I’m not mad. Just hungry.
4. In fact, you’re rarely ever actually mad.
My zone-out time is just really sacred, that’s all.
5. But when you are, people usually can’t tell.
This one’s really convenient for all of us passive-aggressive introverts out there who hate drawing attention to ourselves.
6. You find other people with RBF’s and have to convince yourself that you don’t look like them.
Or maybe I do. Actually I don’t know. I hope I don’t.
7. You constantly remind yourself, “At least I’m not a psycho.”
Having a RBF can’t possibly be worse than having a creepy smile every time you zone out, can it?
I’ve learned that the nice thing about suffering from RBF is that it means alone time when you need it. Can’t be that bad, right? I mean, if it makes anyone more comfortable, I could start eerily smiling and laughing quietly to myself every time I zone out. But somehow I don’t think that would make the situation any less awkward. So instead, I’m just going to embrace my RBF for now. And maybe go read Pout-Pout Fish. But if I start to seem angry while I’m reading it, I promise I’m not. I’m probably just really into it.
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1. If the professor is late by one minute, I'm leaving.
15 minute grace period? Mmm, yeah, not so much. You were on time to class, and you don't have time for slackers.
2. Oh crap, that's due TODAY?!
Ah yes, the delightful moment when you've been so preoccupied with other assignments that you forgot about one from another class. Classic. Cue the inevitable "head desk."
3. Can I nap in here?
Let's be real, you probably aren't paying attention anyway.
4. I wonder what they're serving at the cafeteria.
What will you have for lunch? You're starving. You hope it isn't mystery pizza or half-frozen salad. Your only hope is that the cereal machines are stocked.
5. How much does my teacher even get paid?
You'd bet your last Ramen noodle packet that the professor is just as bored as you are. You wonder how much they're getting paid. It can't be too much, or they would be more excited.
6. How much will I get paid?
Let's face it, you'll be paying off student loans long after college. But it sure is nice to remind yourself what you're working for when the lecture seems to be going on forever.
7. This is the longest 50 minutes of my life.
There are so many other things you could be doing right now. Such as, figuring out how you're going to pay off debt and also fund your future corgi-farm. So much to do, so little time.
8. Maybe if I call mom, she'll give me money.
Crank up those tears, make sure your voice sounds nice and wobbly, and who knows! You could score some sympathy money or a care package.
9. How much do street performers make anyway?
Juggling for a living sounds way more fun than this. Maybe you could even ride a unicycle, or make yourself disappear!
10. Why am I here? I could be a street performer by now.
Wow, you'd make quite a living as a street performer. Even if street performing doesn't work out, you could totally do something else, right?
11. Oh right, I'm not talented.
You can barely make it up the stairs to class, much less perform for a living. Well, "this is it," you guess. You're resigned to a boring, conventional, existence with a stable job.
The good news is, that's not true! You're super talented. Making it into college and learning how to function on minimal sleep and dirty clothes most certainly requires creativity and hard-work. You could totally street perform! Or ... get a regular, well-paying job. The choice is yours. Good luck, fellow padawans.
Adult Swim
1. "I'm no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else."
Tina reminds us that we are all merely human.
2. "If you believe you're beautiful, you will be."
But sometimes self-confidence is difficult to maintain. That's why it's important to have people are who remind you how wonderful you are.
3. Family is always there for a good bedroom dance party.
4. Or even a kitchen dance party. As long as you're together and having fun, it will all be alright.
5. Embrace love. Embrace having crushes.
6. And get creative with how you express your love.
7. It's OK to feel overwhelmed by life. It gets us all down sometimes
8. Linda knows how to live.
9. You don't have to know everything about something to enjoy it.
Especially wine
10. Rock your own look. Even if you seem ridiculous, you are being you.
11. Honesty is often the best policy, especially if you want flawless skin.
12. Don't let anyone keep you from celebrating to the fullest.
Eat all the cake.
13. No matter what, the Belchers always seem to be having a good time. So appreciate those around you and just keep groovin'.
2. Wearing real clothes to class
You didn't wear sweatpants? CONGRATS!
3. Steering clear of procrastination
It's really tricky to avoid procrastination when you have 20 assignments to do because all of your professors put their deadlines in the same week. But when you somehow accomplish this sorcery you feel like a boss ass bitch.
4. Doing your laundry
There's no better feeling than having clean clothes in your closet. Try to do your laundry before it all piles up and you're stuck struggling to find enough washers open to fit all of your clothes in.
5. Keeping your notes organized
Nothing makes me happier than being able to clearly follow my notes after class. Your notes may not look quite like this beauty, but it's worth a shot!
6. Cleaning your room
Your bed is made, your sheets are clean, you vacuumed your floor. What is this magical world we have entered and can I stay here forever. It's a lot easier to have everything else in your life together when you wake up to this.
7. Going to the gym
The gym is (sorta) free right now, so you really should take advantage of it while you can. Exercise is awesome for you both physically and mentally.
8. Actually doing well in school
Success! You've actually done something that will benefit you in the future. Go you! It takes a lot of dedication and work, but your GPA will thank you kindly!
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