I am a 19-year-old, rising college sophomore. Recently, I have seen and been privy to a lot of wedding talk. "Say Yes to the Dress" is a common show on in my house. As is, four weddings and it seems that there are weddings happening left and right. Engagement announcements and wedding pictures are all over Facebook. My best friend is married and I have a close friend who is engaged.
All of these people are around the same age as me and honestly, it's quite terrifying.
Now of course, growing up I dreamed of my own Prince Charming and had little wedding plans (I was obsessed with a mostly white color scheme with blue and bright green accents and the dress that I had in mind was from a Barbie coloring book ... LOL) and I still want to eventually settle down but ...
I cannot picture myself getting married right now or anytime soon. And that's okay.
One of my biggest fears in life is a failed marriage. Heartbreak is never fun, but I can't imagine the feeling of a bond that was intended to last forever coming to an end. Not to mention dealing with the wake that it causes...
I am a child of divorce and my parents' divorce was and still can be really tough. A large portion of the marriages in my family have resulted in divorce. I haven't had the opportunity to see how a couple maneuvers hardships while staying together but I have seen the after effects of what a failed marriage does to the people around them.
Marriages are hard. They are not something that one should take on lightly. A marriage is a serious commitment that tests you. It tests your strengths and weaknesses and hopefully will make you stronger as a couple and as an individual.
Sometimes, I wish that I could be in other peoples' shoes because it seems that they have it all, everything that I one day hope to have. Yet, they have it now. Though, if I was currently where they were I think I'd feel trapped.
Why?
I have no idea what I want to do with my existence. Mostly because there are so many things that I want to do. I still have so much more to do on my own terms. Things that I want to do without needing be concerned about someone else. I still need to figure out who I want to be and that is so hard to do that when you are in a long-term relationship destined for marriage. In a marriage, you don't necessarily have the opportunity to be selfish. You can't expect someone to traipse around the country constantly while their dreams are on the back burner. (Unless of course, their dream is to traipse around the country too.)
Right now, I need to focus on me. I need to take risks and figure out what makes me happy on my own before I can think about being happy with someone forever. Especially because if I decide to take that leap without being happy with myself then there is a really good chance that I won't be happy with the relationship.
So, if you feel yourself getting down about being alone ... you have so much freedom. You could get up and go, anywhere! Do or be anything and live where and how you want to live. Hopefully, this leaves someone feeling reassured ... as always, thank you for reading.
