I’ve lived in the same town my entire life. It’s small, it’s old, it’s boring, but it’s home. However, I feel like I can’t breathe. This town is an extension of the river it was built on, and I’m drowning in it.
It’s not that I won’t miss this place when I’m gone, because it’s still my home, but it’s that I know I am too big for this town. There are opportunities here for certain types of people, just not people like me. My soul has wings and it needs to expand, but this small bottom corner of Indiana is like a birdcage to me.
The part I hate is that, oftentimes, adults try to discourage teenagers from leaving. They brandish us with the label “lifers” and give us statistics to crush our dreams of moving on by saying that over 80% of us end up coming right back to where we came from. All of our lives here we have it shoved down our throats that we have to attend college at our hometown university because it is the cheapest and safest option, then settle down here and marry someone from our 156-student class so we can perpetuate the cycle of “lifers” and keep the community’s numbers.
The truth is, though, that in my mind, there are a good many of us who shouldn’t be told that. There are a great many of us who have the dreams to get out and do unimaginable things to this world, but do not possess the courage to pursue them. It’s scary to let people down. I know theater kids who could make Broadway, should someone only tell them they should get out there and go for it. I know artists who could be the next Monet, should someone encourage them to do it. The fact that people don’t push them to leave in search of bigger opportunities doesn’t make them bad people, it just falls back down on that small town toxicity.
There is a quote from Nathan Scott on "One Tree Hill" that reads: “It’s the oldest in the world. One day you’re seventeen and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. Then someday is yesterday, and this is your life.” I think a lot of the reason that small towns have this effect on people is that we are constantly telling ourselves we’re bigger and we’re better than where we come from, but we’re scared. That holds us back. It’s okay to be scared, but it’s important to swallow your fears and push forward despite the weights on your ankles holding you here. Drag them behind you if you have to.
I don’t want it to seem like this town never did anything for me. I’ll have some of the best memories of my life that came from being in the right tiny town in the right time. I know, though, there is an expiration date on my stay here. I have since I was very young. I know that I am only meant to be here long enough to form the foundation to get me ready to take on the world. There are grander things out there for me, though. There is a world to see and explore, there is a whole side of myself left to seek, there are novels for me to write, and adventures for me to have. Unfortunately, though, that will not happen here. I thank my small home town for doing what small home towns do best: preparing me for the rest of my life. But just like all small home towns also do best, it will have to let me go.
