A few weeks ago I was driving with my sister when she asked to play a song. She started talking about great this song was and how much it meant to her so I told go ahead and play it. She said, "It's called 'When You Love Someone' and it''s really really good." Driving down the road as the song plays I start crying and Maddy looks over to me and asks why I'm crying. It took me a couple minutes to compose myself but eventually I said, "It's everything I wish someone told me when we were kids going through the divorce."
When I was seven years old, my parents were going through a separation that eventually led to their divorce. It was one of the hardest things I went through as a kid. When you're that little you don't understand why those things happen but they just do. I can remember my mom sitting me and my sister down telling us that they were separating. When you're seven years old hearing those words, it's one of the most devastating things you can be told. At that age I was still believing in fairy tales and true love but that all suddenly came to a screeching stop.
Years later even after the divorce things still weren't easy. My parents would fight and it always felt like it was my fault because it usually had to do with something about me or my sister. Of course they always reassured me that it was never "my fault" but deep down it always did feel like I had some sort of contribution to the argument.
As I got older it became more normal I guess you could say but still it was hard. During big events like school award banquets or drama productions, I could rarely ever get to spend time with both of my parents because sometimes they weren't on speaking terms which put a lot of pressure on me even though both parents said there wasn't any pressure or any awkwardness.
One night I'll never forget was my senior class's parent appreciation night. I was head of the committee and had worked so hard to make sure the night was special for not just my parents but also my classmate's parents. That night was incredibly hard for me because my parents recently had a major disagreement which made things a little more stressful for me. My parents were both touched by their letters but all I wanted more than anything was to sit down with everyone and have a meal together, but that didn't go as I wished.
Growing up, all I wanted was to spend special moments with both of my parents. I wanted to be able to sit down with everyone and take in the moment. Sure there were a few times we were able to do that but not without noted tension or sly comments that were ignored. It was hard sometimes to be happy or be excited for special events or holidays because it mainly required me to think, who am I going with, mom or dad?
Here I am today, moved in with my dad and my wonderful step mom who have been there for me through a lot of tough moments lately. Divorce is never easy but sometimes, "two homes are better than one."
