Hit me! Pay my tuition.

"Make sure to look both ways before crossing" was meant for little kids and teenagers in high school. It is fair game in college because we are all broke and need to find ways to pay of loans.

 If I watch Tasty videos, I'm basically a chef.

Do not lie, we all watch those Tasty videos on Facebook and try to make the dishes we see. Once you are done making that meal, you suddenly feel like a chef and it is a pretty good feeling. Or am I just the only one?

I am going to take the best nap after this class.

After forcing yourself to go to class, you deserve a nice reward.

Do I need to go to this class? I have not skipped it yet.

When in doubt, skip. Everyone deserves a personal day.

I am going to this event because it has free food.

The event might be good and it might be bad, either way, you get free food out of going. I highly recommend going to events on campus, you never know what you might like.

How long can I procrastinate before I really have to do this paper?

We have all had that one paper that you just can't force yourself to start but how long will it take for you to start it? The night before? Two hours before class? Will it ever get done? The world may never know...

I just want to go home so I can play with my pet.

Do you ever just wish that you can cuddle your pet forever because you miss it so much? Nothing is better than going home and cuddling your pet for hours because you both missed each other so much.

Why did I spend all of my money? I just got paid.

I always promise myself that I will save my money when I get paid but then I see sale signs and food and then I become broke.

Friend: Did you see the dog on campus? Me: WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE?!

If you hear that there is any animal on campus, you will try to find it and pet it. Petting someone else's animal can relieve stress.

How many Insomnia cookies do I want to order today?

If you do not have an Insonmia Cookie shop near you, I feel bad. I can devour so many of their cookies while doing my homework.

The Professor better cancel class or else I will.

The weather can be horrible outside and Professors may not cancel but in my opinion, I think that gives you jurisdiction to cancel yourself. I am not going to risk my health to sit in class when the powerpoint is online.

"Do you give student discounts?"

I live for discounts and sales. I am a college student, I can't afford to spend money on regular priced items when there are sale items.

I do not want to check my bank account. I will not check my bank account.

The only time you should check your bank account is when you get paid. Other than that, you are setting yourself up to be sad.