Whether you are soon to be approaching or are already in the middle of the two weeks in the middle of the semester that your professors decide to make literally everything due, here are 23 thoughts that have probably gone through your exhausted, delirious and nocturnal head.
Around this time, everything starts to go downhill. You sleep, eat, and breath the library and aren't quite sure what day it is because your head has been in a cubical for so long. Before this point, you've thought to yourself, "My classes aren't that hard this semester. You go to class mostof the time. You also do that studying thing, sometimes. No one needs to know it's 75% Netflix watching and 25% studying. Then you realize it's not that hard until the due dates are today and not tomorrow.
"Wait. I'm not here just to darty, tailgate and bar hop?"
Your thoughts a week before exams...
1. *study guide gets passed out* "Why do professors make these when it basically says study everything because there may or may not be the slightest possibility that there could be 1 -10 questions on that topic?"
This is about the time your professors send out the very vague and uninformative study guide for the midterms that tell you to know every page every assigned to read.
2. "What chapter are we on again? "
Why did I miss that class? Oh yeah I wanted to finish that new season on Netflix. I really need to pay attention. Right now you are reading the study guide and beginning to freak out because you slowly realize that you don't know any of this information.
3. "Why did I have to spend $300 on a textbook we haven't used and it's basically half way through the semester?"
You go home to find and take the plastic off of your $300 textbook that your professor swore you would use but the pages he assigned do not match up at all with the notes you took in class.
Night before the exam...
4. "I am going to literally be studying all night."
When you realize that you will be studying all night because you know nothing.
5. "I'll just lay here for a few minutes." *two hours later* "Definitely not getting to go to sleep tonight."
6. "At what stage of my homeless look will they not let me in the classroom?"
7. "Well if I don't go to my first class I will have 2 more hours to study." "Well if I go in my P.J.'s and don't brush my hair I will have 2 hours and 30 mins to study."
That point in the night when you are counting the amount of hours until you have to take the exam, sleep is humorous at this point.
8. "Why isn't my pencil writing?" "Yep, it's official I have lost my mind."
At 3 a.m., when you are positive you are losing your mind.
9. "Why does everyone have their life all planned out?" "I think it's a good day if I haven't spilled coffee down the front of my shirt."
Around 4 a.m. you spiral out of control.
10. "If I fail this midterm I am going to end up being a single old lady, flashing people on the subway."
You are spiraling. You have accepted the fact that you are going to fail this exam, therefore fail the class, end up dropping out of college, and work at McD's for the rest of your life. Which then turns into, "I'm going to be alone forever because who wants to marry a college dropout who works at McD's" and somehow you end up at flashing people on the subway.
11. "Words. I need words. Why can I not think of words to put on this paper?" *Looks at word count* "Great. I've written 12 words."
On top of the 2 midterms and a group project due tomorrow you also have a paper due and after countless hours of working on it you have two sentences.
Around 6 a.m. you accept defeat.
12. "Yep. I am screwed."
Except, if we're being honest, you look more homeless. More like this.
Around 7 a.m. you decide you are going to stay positive.
13. "I got 40 minutes of sleep and they were spent with my head face down on my keyboard so I have squares imprinted on the side of my face."
Right before your professor hands out the exam he gives you the lecture on how 8 hours of sleep is the optimum amount to be thinking clearly and you're thinking, "Well I had a solid 40 minutes."
But that was short lived.
14. "You did not take my seat."
You are sleep deprived, jacked up on coffee and library vending machine food and the student who never comes to class (and therefore doesn't know where everyone sits) sits in YOUR seat.
15. "Please let there be an empty seat not next to *insert peppy know-it-all student here*."
You have to find a new seat and of course it is next to someone who thinks your face looks friendly, (not the look you were going for) and feels the need to tell you all about what you should have studied and you are thinking “Great. I forgot to study that, that and that.”
16. "Yes I know you are well prepared and my life is a shit show will you just give me the damn pencil?"
You then realize that this is a scantron exam and your pencil is still in your coffee from accidentally stirring your coffee with your pencil and your spoon is in your book bag. Of course all you have is pens today too. You proceed to tell this to Miss Know-It-All and she gives an ever so judging look and says, "You should always have extra."
17. "I can do this."
18. "Eeny Meeny Miny Moe catch a tiger by his toe. Wait, actually it has to be a different toe I already chose A for the last 3 questions."
You start counting what your grade will be “If”. “If I get one wrong I’ll get a 97.” “If I get two wrong I’ll get a 94.” You do this until you’ve reached the last page and you’re answering using the Eeny Meeny Miny Moe method and changing the letter if you've bubbled that one in too many times in a row. Basically, you are just hoping you won’t fail at this point.
19. "How are they finishing so fast? I can picture the answer in my head, I can see it in my notes but I can't make out what it says."
You are Jerry and Robby. Surely the teacher is just playing a trick on you. There is no way people are actually finishing this fast.
20. "Do I laugh or do I cry?"
21. "I get points for knowing my name right? You have got to be kidding me, do I even know the date?"
22. *turns in test* "I am going to be the 40-year-old living in my parent's basement."
You decide if you ever make it to graduation this is who you're thanking.
23. "I want to thank Red Bull, Google, Vodka and Wikipedia for all playing crucial roles in getting me to this point."
