It's been a rough semester so far - not because of anything traumatizing, but just because I've been busy. For me, busy means stress. Within the first week of classes, there were assignments, projects, and papers all due during the next class time. If I wasn't doing homework, I was making a mental list in my head of everything I had to have done soon and slowly crippling with anxious thoughts and the thought of maybe not getting it done. It became a problem. Then it was the extracurriculars - it was the meetings, the events planned, the work to prepare for them ahead of time. It was my job that I love and the fact that I had to cut my hours in order to help take a breath and relieve some tension.
It quickly caught up to me, and I felt exhausted all of a sudden - every day, all day.
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But then I realized that this is what I wanted. This is what I did to get my mind off of everything that still hurt me from my recent summer. This is what I did to find myself (not the classes, the same amount of credit hours have always been there) being okay and trying to find who I was again. As much as the stress began to take a toll, I found myself enjoying what I was doing when I was doing it. My only free time seems to be when I'm driving to and from certain places I need to be. That was when I didn't feel okay; that was when I felt the need to overthink every little thing I was doing.
Am I doing the right thing?
Is this where I want to be?
Should I be only focused on school? Are extracurriculars and work okay?
It's when I'm in the groove of everything that I snap out of it and tell myself that this is where I belong. Everything I am doing will pay off in the end in one way or another. I will only get three hours of sleep sometimes before a day full of exams and quizzes, but I'll have all the information from the study guide down like the back of my hand. I will make time for myself and do the little things I still enjoy when I find a few minutes to myself.
I won't let my past get in the way of what is ahead of me. I will find myself exhausted, downing three cups of coffee before 9 a.m. some days, but I will persevere until I am content with where I am.
The only thing I know how to do is keep going. When I feel too busy and just need a nap, I will put myself first. I will not let what I choose to do get to me, which means I will not let my mental health suffer.
If you need to do that some days, please give yourself a break before you break.
