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14 Thoughts I Have Before I Get My Coffee Fix

I swear I'm not always like this.

Brittany Sharkey

Jan 30, 2017

Pennsylvania State University

101

14 Thoughts I Have Before I Get My Coffee Fix

I don't know about you, but I'm a MONSTER without coffee. Like straight up I don't want to talk to anyone. Don't look at me. God help you if you bump into me or happen to give me a look. This is why I usually make coffee first thing, but if I run out of K-cups or whatever, there are so many thoughts I have on the way to get that sweet, sweet caffeine. Am I an addict? Probably. But, like, I am in college and human so...

Here are 14 thoughts I have before having my daily coffee:

1. W H Y

Why am I out of K-cups? Why do I have class? Why do I not live where it's a smooth 80 degrees ALL YEAR ROUND? Why are cars driving past my window making noise?? Rude.

2. Do I actually have to do things?

Can I just not do the things? Adulting is so hard and my bed is so comfy and I'm just not feelin' it, tbh.

3. WHERE ARE MY insert X number of things I can't find

My headphones walked away, I guess? Literally, where is my textbook? I had it a mere six hours ago. My socks will never match it's fine, I'm fine, everything's fine.

4. Looks outside

Hard pass.

5. It's so cold.

I forgot I actually went to school in the arctic tundra??

6. I'm so uncomfortable.

I should've stayed in bed, honestly.

7. Why. Do. People. Walk. So. F*cking. Slow?

Do you not have anywhere to be?? Must be nice!! Hurry the ef up!!

8. Why do said slow walkers take up the ENTIRE sidewalk?

IT'S YOUR WORLD, I'm JUST LIVIN IN IT

9. Why do people take a decade and a half to order a DRINK?

Honestly, it's not "The Bachelor." Just pick one and drink up it's just mildly different tasting caffeine

10. This barista is too cheery.

Oh is it a great day Brenda?? You and your bright red lipstick are offending my non-caffeinated self. Settle down, it's 9 a.m. on a Tuesday.

11. My name is the most common of all just write it down.

Seriously, my parents were not creative you don't have to think too hard. Also, it doesn't matter just write it down so I can be one step closer to having my coffee.

12. It's a LATTE, not a space shuttle!!

YOU'RE NOT MONET. THIS ISN'T A MASTERPIECE JUST MAKE THE ESPRESSO AND POUR SOME MILK I'LL BE FINE.

13. Sip

Read: gulp

14. I'm sorry for what I said before I had my coffee.

We're good, right?

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14 Thoughts I Have Before I Get My Coffee Fix

I swear I'm not always like this.

1. W H Y

2. Do I actually have to do things?

3. WHERE ARE MY *insert X number of things I can't find*

4. *Looks outside*

5. It's so cold.

6. I'm so uncomfortable.

7. Why. Do. People. Walk. So. F*cking. Slow?

8. Why do said slow walkers take up the ENTIRE sidewalk?

9. Why do people take a decade and a half to order a DRINK?

10. This barista is too cheery.

11. My name is the most common of all just write it down.

12. It's a LATTE, not a space shuttle!!

13. *Sip*

14. I'm sorry for what I said before I had my coffee.

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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3. WHERE ARE MY insert X number of things I can't find

4. Looks outside

13. Sip

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!