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Thought

Our Most Dangerous Weapon

Ryan Carey

Jun 01, 2016

Chelmsford, MA

Tamarmccleary.com

This isn't me

Being a maiden in distress

This is just

How my mind works sometimes

And I need to make it public

That's all

I just

Want something

I'm not quite sure what it is

More than what I have now

But at the same time

I don't want anything

I couldn't be happier with where I am

With what I have

With who I know

Just

Sometimes

I feel

How far can I get

I have some cash

A rusty car

Some gas

I can get pretty far

I guess that's what I want

To go

See stuff

Do things

Do more

But at the same time

I'm perfectly content

Staying where I am

I have a group of friends

And what a group

Let me tell you

These guys and girls

They're the best bunch

I could have hoped for

When I'm with them

I feel like myself

I feel like I can do anything

Say anything

I'm free

Same thing goes for the stage

I can be myself through another person

Through a character

It's the only other place where

I'm free

I know my friends and the stage

I know they appreciate me

I know my family does

And I know a few others who do too

It's just

When I'm alone

Me and my thoughts

I start thinking

Probably the most dangerous weapon I have

Thought that is

And when I think

I go off

Everything and everything

I have ever done

Comes down on me like a tsunami

I'm overwhelmed

That much

Stuff

Shouldn't be felt at once

I become desperate

Looking for something

That doesn't exist

I think again

How far can I get

What can I see

If I just

No chains

No longer

Regular

Dull

Boring

I guess that's it

That's what I fear

That's why my thought

Lead me to

Going

I don't want to live the same day

On repeat

For life

But at the same time

I do

It's comforting

In a strange way

It's safe

Which is good

My dad serves in the Navy

To keep life safe

So I'm grateful

And content

I just

Don't know really

I'm not going anywhere

I sometimes think is all

I want to see what I'll become

Eventually I'll shed off

The people who make things difficult

And one day

Be surrounded by people

People

Who like me

Love is a strong word

And you can love someone

But not like them

If they like me

Me for me

That would be enough

And I'll be glad to have them

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Thought

Our Most Dangerous Weapon

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Here are just a few of those things.

Take the time to thank that one friend in your life you will never let go of.

1. Thank you for being the one I can always count on to be honest.

2. Thank you for accepting me for who I am.

3. Thank you for teaching me what real love feels like.

4. Thank you for always making sure I'm safe.

5. Thank you for going through things with me.

6. Thank you for teaching me to take care of myself.

7. Thank you for going out of your way to make me feel supported.

8. Thank you for always being there to back me up, even when you know I'm wrong.

9. Thank you for constantly pushing me to live up to my potential.

10. Lastly, thank you for making such a huge impact on my life.

Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

No, really. I'm not mad. Just hungry.

1. You’re tired of people asking you if you know what “RBF” stands for every time you zone out.

2. You’re constantly using the excuse, “I’m just tired” when people ask you if you’re mad.

3. Or “I’m just thinking.”

4. In fact, you’re rarely ever actually mad.

5. But when you are, people usually can’t tell.

6. You find other people with RBF’s and have to convince yourself that you don’t look like them.

7. You constantly remind yourself, “At least I’m not a psycho.”

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