It’s a fickle thing really - the concept of love. I’m not talking about the love you feel with your parents or friends, I’m talking about the concept of being in love.

Just when you think you have things sorted out about what the true definition of love is in relationships, *wham* — it comes and knocks you off your feet and leaves you gasping for air like a fish out of water.

Take a second to think what yourdefinition of love is. Is it your stomach in butterflies when you catch sight of the person you’ve dedicated yourself to? Does it represent communication, humility and honesty? Or is it a feeling of resentment and dread when the word love is mentioned?

I think my generation diversified the concept of what love is. The term is thrown around like a tetherball being hit back and forth. Our society has portrayed so many different versions of what love is supposed to be.

So that leaves the question, “What is love really supposed to represent?”

I will be the first to say as one who has witnessed divorce and countless battles as a child, I clung to the ideal that society portrayed the definition of love to be. Never really being shown what it meant, I absorbed what I thought it should mean by watching countless hours of Nicholas Sparks movies. All of these movies showed a damsel in distress being swept off of her feet by some illustrious guy who ducks in her life at the perfect time and captures only the most “perfect” of fairy-tale moments.

Reality is, that's not what love is. It’s a tall tale made to instill some sort of imaginary hope into young woman to make them think that they are going to be rescued and have a perfect relationship with no bumps in the road. The truth hurts, but in all honesty, I would rather have that than have my high hopes and expectations come crashing to the ground, much like an abandoned building being demolished, leaving nothing but a huge abyss behind.

That is how I feel at this very moment in time. I feel let down and betrayed because what I thought to be true of love, turned out to be quite the opposite.

I should probably give credit where needed, the expectations that women put on to men, thanks to what society has so clearly painted out, is not fair in the least bit. I fall victim to admitting that. I think it not only hurts the women of our culture but the men as well. There is too much confusion about what the definition of love is and how people of today can adequately portray that to satisfy and meet their beloved’s needs and expectations.

What I am left wondering at the end of the day is this: “How and when do we know when we are truly in love?” There is no guidebook or rules and regulations that tell you what you can and cannot do in the game of love. There are no play-by-play sheets of what to do in a certain scenario.

We are suited up with the armor we have been given in this game of life and expected to battle through the pain and loss that comes with love with nothing but our hearts on our sleeves. Most of the time, at least for me, we are left wounded and flopping around like mentioned earlier, the fish-out-of-water left gasping for air. Nothing in life prepares us for the travesty that is love. We have to be our own army and deal accordingly not knowing when to pull back and retreat.

What I am trying to say is this — I used to think I knew what love meant, but as it turns out, I fought the battle and lost in the game of love, again.

Maybe it is time to be my own knight in shining armor. Those walls that have been built to barricade my heart inside may never come down, but at least it won’t subject myself to the world of agony and despair that love is. My ideals of love have radically evolved over the years by who is welcomed in and out of my life, so perhaps I am at fault for not using enough discretion when going into battle.

My lesson has been learned and I will no longer wear my heart on my sleeve and wait for the illustrious guy to come sweep me off my feet at the perfect time. I stand as my own consul and can represent myself because, unlike society says is acceptable, I am a strong independent woman and don’t need saving.

Don’t get me wrong, love is a beautiful thing, and one day, my perception of what it truly means might change once again. For now, I will learn to love myself because at the end of the day, you are the only person you can count and rely on.