I think of Tim Allen in “The Santa Clause” rummaging through the fluffy snow finding Santa’s suit. I think of the romantic kisses with the snow falling and getting caught in two lovers hair and looking up into the sky thanking God for such a magical moment with their person. I think of kids waking their parents up, shaking them profusely, yelling “Mommy, Daddy, it’s snowing! It’s snowing!” Winter Wonderland, that’s what they always say, that is what I always thought, and that’s what I couldn’t wait for.

It’s crap. It’s all crap.

I am on day three of real snow and I am so over it. The first morning that I woke up to snow, I one, couldn’t figure out why I was freezing my tits off and two, was blinded by the white light when I opened up my blinds. Was I in pure bliss watching the snow fall from the sky? Oh yes. I ran outside with no pants on to get a video to send to my family back home in Southern California. I then realized it was 22 degrees out, I had no pants on, and needed to get back inside. I had stayed at a friend’s house the night before and all I had for shoes were my Nike Free’s. Let me just tell you, I am still sore from constantly slipping walking to class and having to flex my butt, legs, feet, toes, eyeballs whatever it was to catch myself.

I also have decided that my license is no longer valid the instant it snows. I don’t know how to do this ish! Break, don’t break, turn into the skid, turn the way you want to go, slow, slow, SLOW! STOP TELLING ME THE OPPOSITE I’M STAYING INSIDE! Although, my car does look super cute with all the snow on it, very picturesque.

I no longer have a sense of style. It’s gone to crap. All I care about is getting to class dry and with only a little bit of cyanosis (a condition where you turn blue, not Christmas themed at all). I thought that the snow getting caught in your eyelashes and hair was like being kissed by an angel and the kisses were lingering. It’s actually the devil’s way of driving you insane because you can’t see and then your hair starts to freeze while you’re walking. It also makes me look a giant marshmallow with no womanly figure whatsoever. And what the heck are you supposed to do for pants?! My legs are always cold! How do you add more layers to your legs? I’m still stumped at this and want to figure it out before it hits three degrees.

No cold food is tasty anymore. My best friend Hailey decided ice cream sounded good the other night. I now believe she’s an idiot.

I constantly want a tall glass of red wine to warm me up. Plus drinking it with the Christmas lights all lit up around me and watching the snow fall outside makes it a little bit OK. I have also been putting the Yule Log on Mariah Carey Christmas Pandora station on my television and oh, man if you want to set the mood that’s how you do it. Also if you’ve got a fireplace, you’re going to get lucky that night my friends. It’s freakin' lit.

Although I do have to say, to go from the beautiful fall trees to the ugly naked ones has been uber depressing. But with the snowfall, the trees are beautiful! Who knew a bush could look so magical. It’s like God took that snow spray stuff you put on the windows and your Christmas tree and he put it stinking everywhere. It’s pretty dope. I obviously need my picture out in the snow, but I have been too chicken to brave it yet. But I can’t pass up the pretty bushes.

The one perk I have found, it is keeping me inside forcing me to study.

But I’m actually just sleeping instead.

Happy finals everyone, bring on the gray hairs, you deserve that wisdom.