It feels like only weeks ago that I made one of the first big decisions of life - committing to the college that would take me to my next step. That choice was supposed to be the first move to me "finding myself" - I believed that once I chose my university I would know what I wanted to do in life and then everything would become clear. I would suddenly know the life I desired to live and would have the shimmering realization of who I truly am. Or who I want to become, at least.

Oh how wrong I was.

After months of debating and trying to see what I would enjoy doing for the rest of forever, I finally chose. A weight was lifted - I was done. So I thought. Choosing a college is supposed to be the first building block to deciding who you are.Your choice reflects your desired future and the person you are deciding you want to be. But honestly? I didn't find myself when I chose my school or pondered majors and potential areas of study for a lifetime career. On the contrary, I began to question what little knowledge I had about me.

Throughout high school so many of us fight to figure ourselves out. Sure, we know our likes and dislikes for the most part. But does that really amount to much? 2 years ago I couldn't even look at pepperoni pizza and yet now every late night study session wouldn't be complete without it. So what does that mean about me? If I can't even decide what I like to eat, how can I figure out who I am? Isn't that what graduating high school and going to college is about?

I'm supposed to head off to college and discover who I am, yet as I chose what university I would attend I didn't feel a piece of me slid into place. I felt torn. Here I was deciding on a new path for myself, which is nerve-racking and terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time, yet I had never felt further from self-discovery. It didn't help that I changed majors three times before even getting to school.

I thought after you graduated high school some light was supposed to shine down and suddenly an epiphany would strike. I thought I would know I was on the right path. Isn't the chorus supposed to be singing my back up while I break free and declare to the world that this is who I am and what I will be doing in life? I mean, that's what happened in high school musical, right? How is it that choosing my college has filled me with new worries and doubts on who I am? I can't decide what I want to be in life or what classes to take or even what color I want my dorm room to be. That doesn't sound like someone who knows who they are to me. So when do I figure it out?

When do I get my moment of clarity? Am I always going to move one step forward only to fall flat on my back? Or is this how life goes? You make a new choice; you take yourself down a new path and instead of becoming whole, you then realize all that you've been missing. Choosing my university didn't make me feel like I had discovered me; what it did was show me that there's a lot more to who I am than what I thought leaving high school.

So the rumors aren't true, it seems. You don't figure yourself out a little bit more after graduating high school. College is just one of countless things that will change everything about an individual. Maybe we aren't supposed to "discover" ourselves then. Maybe with each new stage of life we learn new things we are missing instead of filling our puzzles completely. That's what I've got to learn - here's to freshman year of college to helping me figure that out.