When I was younger and would go through a hard time or difficult moment, I felt that it would be easier to handle it myself and shut out everyone else. I tried so hard to face it alone, but it took losing everything to finally grasp that I needed something more.
At the age of 12, I was bullied by a group of people that I believed to be my friends. And instead of really reaching out to someone for help, I shut myself down. I convinced myself that no one cared, and that if the friends that I previously had betrayed me, then the next group would be no different. So as time slowly and painfully passed, I fell deeper and deeper into loneliness, which led to a depression, which led to my breaking point. As you can most likely guess, I had reached the point of taking my own life.
To avoid painful details, let me continue by saying the next week was a hard time for my family. I was put in the position to sit and reflect on my life as a whole, and it came to my attention that I couldn’t handle being alone anymore. I just wasn’t strong enough to face what was in front of me, and then, I found what I had been needing all along.
In that moment I felt peace. I heard the words, “I have been with you all this time,” and I knew in my heart that I would never be alone again. You see, I had been running from God my whole life, not just ignoring Him, but sprinting in the opposite direction because I lost my great-grandmother. Even after all of this, He saved me after I had pushed myself so far away, and this made me realize that I needed to change my destination. I needed to be running to God, not away from Him.
Since that day, I have been living my life for Christ. Okay, well actually, I’ve still failed Him many times since, and I’m sure I will fail Him many times in the future. But what I’ve realized is that I can’t live without God. Running to Him was the best decision I have ever made, and following that decision are multiple blessings that I still don’t deserve, such as my family and life-long friends.
What I hope any reader takes from this is that you are never alone, and nothing is ever too big for God. I am a suicide survivor and a friend of those who never found their hope. My goal, correction, my mission, is to provide a hope for those who have none left. Christ gave His life so that we could live ours,and ultimately spend eternity with Him! So live the life He gave you, because with His guidance, it truly is beautiful.
And remember that each problem in your life, no matter how big or small, is a temporary problem. There is hope, and God will get you through anything. Focus on the big picture. Like I said before, it's beautiful and it is His masterpiece.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 New International Version (NIV)
