To the person who dreads coming home for the holidays:
I may never be able to formulate the words to say that I understand and to make you believe me, so for now, you'll just have to take me at my word.
I want you to know that it's okay. It's okay if you find it laughable when someone suggests that going home for Christmas will be easier or less stressful than being in school. It's okay to feel your heart rate skyrocket when you see familiar faces of your hometown. It's okay to feel conflicted and excited but scared and anxious at the same time. It's okay to be resentful and bitter and glib. You don't need to be merry if you can't be.
It's not okay that someone hurt you. It's not okay that someone made you afraid to see a place you once called home. It's not okay that they made excuses for the things they did. It's not okay that you never got an apology. They owed you everything, and gave you nothing, and now you owe them nothing, but will continue to give them everything. Because that's what you do, and because it's Christmas, and because you would hate to see someone cry, and because you don't have a choice, do you?
More than anything, I want you to know that it isn't your fault. It's not your fault that you can't pull away just yet or that they disapprove now matter what you do. I want you to know that you aren't responsible for their lies and actions. You aren't at fault because you couldn't stop it.
Just promise me, that if you need help you'll try and get it. Promise you'll leave the room if you can't �listen to another racist word from another racist mouth. Promise you'll take the time to sleep and eat if you need it, even if you might be called lazy or fat. Just take a minute, message your support group and let them know you're okay.
Promise me that you'll keep being strong like you always have been, because you always will be.
