When it comes to social interaction, as a human population, we have developed a behavior that was casual, but also contained the existence of insincerity. This behavior strains us from actually knowing the ins and out of the people who we are acquainted with. It’s an action that is used out of acknowledgement and as a buffer. It’s used to push away the potential awkwardness in a situation. Maybe it’s one of those things that are better off left unsaid, if there is no interest truly behind the one asking. Common decency doesn’t cut it. This question is, “how are you?”

We’ve all done it. The words have slipped from our mouths, in order to not appear rude or callous. Let’s be straight, you can genuinely ask people. I have. There were times I saw a friend or someone I would like to know better and expressed great interest in their day. I have taken the time to stop in my steps for a good few minutes making an attempt to make them laugh or discussing a topic of interest. But sometimes, it just begins to feel like a formality, than the power and care it is supposed to have behind it. It’s not something that should be stated when in a rush. There have been so many times where I’ve seen someone and asked how they’re doing only for them to respond back with the words, “Good, how are you?” which then causes me to reply with, “Good, have a nice day!” and carry on. This type of situation also works vise versa. There has been many days I have felt like crumbling under the hammer of society, but have stated that my day was, “good”. Everyone likes to be greeted and acknowledged, but why do we choose these words? I hate to say that sometimes, I wasn’t that interested in how someone was actually doing, but it happens. It doesn’t mean I dislike the person or has something personal against them, it’s just a human behavior that needs to be stopped. It’s that rush mentality as we, as a human population, we are too busy trying to get from one place to another. I have talked to my friends about this before, and how unauthentic that question begins to sound after repeating it constantly as I’m walking to class. When I say that, people usually get where I’m coming from, but it’s also an upsetting truth to hear. It’s just become something so basic.

While working at a job, you’re supposed to show care towards your customers. They recommend you to ask the customer how they’re doing and to show real interest, even though that may not be existent deep down. If a customer is being rude or impolite, the meaning shatters and dwindles. Even when trying to be personable and using this formality, some people still only see you in the sense where you’re supposed to give them what they want and if it’s wrong, then fuck you. We have dehumanized those behind a counter or a desk. We see only what they can give us. There have been times I’ve held conversations with customers and have been excited to see them the next day, but there are also times I know I won’t see a certain customer again. We still put on this smile and say, “good,” because when they ask you how you’re feeling. In customer service, you can’t let people believe you’re an actual being, too. You are not allowed to upset them with your struggles. If you tell them how you’re actually feeling, their experience would become less enjoyable and they probably wouldn’t return.

Let’s also talk about the response and reaction that we always have to that cringey question. Another human behavior that we picked up was ignoring our own problems and placing a fake smile. It’s impossible to have not experienced this emotion. Society tells us that it’s not okay to show our emotions. Girls are expected to cry and be upset, due to the sexist stereotype and boys are expected to, “be a man”. These stigmas surrounding us with what emotions are allowed and are not allowed in society just increases the insecurity and hesistance to being open. We are insecure of judgment and being misunderstood. Women are afraid of feeding into the stereotype, looking weak, and so are men. This fear is maybe the reason why everyone has become so distant and ignorant with our behavior. People have become more focused on themselves and their wants and needs, instead of recognizing a face before them.

We put on this fake persona, in order to not make others uncomfortable with the truth. We also do it, so we can keep our shields up from the negativity of the world. If people said what they were feeling, rather than being dishonest, communication between one another would grow. There would possibly be less racism, homophobia, sexism, and prejudice. Hated would become less common to hear about. The news would have a lack of stories to report that would break the viewers hearts. People would become more fonder of their relationships and not take advantage of the company around. We would allow one another to find something relatable within our personalities or experiences. Instead, we wear our masks and only tell those closest to us our secrets. Some people are worthy of your secrets and some are not, but you may be missing out on an opportunity to get to know someone, if this insincerity continues. How will we get to form that bond, if we are too resistant to even begin to try?

Human nature is something that begins to change for the better or worse. One of our goals should be to actually mean those simple three words more. Maybe when someone responds with the answer, “good,” about their day, we can create a follow up question, such as, “What was good about your day today?” or you can even create a statement like, “I’m glad you’re getting to enjoy your day and take a break from being busy.” There are little ways to bring substance to this generic conversation. It just takes someone to step back from the rush that we, as a culture, are consumed in. I believe the concept of, “How are you?” is a true expression of love and care, if there is sincerity behind it. It can be a statement of love between friends, family or a lover. Even acquaintances. Anyone can play a significant role in your life, if you hold that door open. Those three words are far more important than those other ones used in sappy romances. The question, “How are you?” focuses on someone’s well being and mental health. It’s a question that should allow honesty, not one that holds lies and expected responses.

Say what you feel, don't be Ross Geller.