Imagine your chest tightening, your heart racing, your palms get extremely sweaty and you're no longer in control of your body. Breathing becomes harder and more shallow, and before you know it, you're having a full-blown anxiety attack. For those who don't suffer from anxiety or depression, please consider yourselves lucky.
Anxiety unfortunately runs in my family and it's not something that can be controlled overnight. My sister has to take sleeping pills in order to relax her mind and body just enough to somewhat get a decent amount of sleep every night. My mom has had her share of anxiety attacks throughout her life, and now the ugly disease has found it's way to me.
It all started my freshman year of college. My parents were going through a rough patch, and I overheard my father disrespecting my mother on so many levels, that I in turn literally began to feel so sick and my body began distorting itself. That summer, as my 19th birthday was approaching my parents officially separated. The love and happy home I had known my whole entire life was now crumbled and taken away from me.
As my father began to become more and more apparent with his affair, and my mom was trying to rehab herself from losing the love of her life of the last 30 years, I had to learn the hard way how to cope with what I was going through.
My first love at the time was no help, and my friends couldn't begin to fathom what anxiety was. My lack of support only became more and more apparent as the summer dragged on.
Fast forward to my first fall semester of college, and this is where my depression sets in. My father and I had stopped speaking once I was back at school, and I had extreme hatred for him. Little did I know, my father was fighting with his own inner demon. On October 13th, 2013 my father was struck by a car and was almost killed.
As I rushed home to be by my father's side, I didn't know how to feel..then before I knew it my body began to take over once again. My palms were sweaty, I needed to vomit, and my chest began to feel tight and my breathing became more shallow. This anxiety attack led my mom to rush me to the doctor the next day, for him to only write me a prescription for meds that I had no intentions of taking.
As 2014 began to approach, I was used to feeling sad, unhappy, miserable. This all became apparent after St. John's, unfortunately, broke the news that my financial aid package wasn't able to cover all my bills and expenses, and I was going to have to defer my enrollment to a later semester.
Thoughts of suicide, angst, sadness, and a multitude of feelings began swarming in my head. I even had a "best friend" tell me that I was being "overdramatic" and that taking my life "wasn't that deep".
When you're dealing with a friend or a loved one that literally has to walk around every day with anxiousness because they never know what's going to come next, the last thing you should do is make them feel bad about it.
What people don't understand the most is that anxiety and depression should be taken JUST as seriously as diabetes or high blood pressure. It's a disease JUST like the ones that impact your organs.
Having sympathy is okay. What you really should have is empathy. Empathizing with someone who suffers from this terrible disease is the biggest sign of love and appreciation. Simply being there for your loved one is a small step that is very much appreciated. Be the ear that will listen. Be the hand that they can hold. Do not take their sadness as a sign of weakness or as a lack of self-love.
To all my friends out there suffering from this terrible disease, please do not ever think that you are alone. I know it becomes redundant hearing that but trust and believe there are many others walking this same journey you are. Take it one day, one step at a time.
I promise you, it will get better.
