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To Those I've Neglected

You are my ray of sunshine in a clouded world.

Juanita Rosemarie Saylor

Jul 26, 2016

Eastern Kentucky University

Favim.com

I know you feel like I dropped you like a bad habit, but in reality I just needed to collect myself.

I didn't intend to hurt your feelings. I never wanted you to be upset. I know I've been distant, and none of that has to do with you.

Over the the time I've been locked away, things have happened and I needed to figure things out. I needed to find out how to be happy again. You are my happy place, and I need you to stay that way. After all, I do love you.

I left hints that I would be OK, and that I needed to work on me. I needed to wallow in my self-pity for a bit so I could find me again. I get so lost in the world that sometimes that's harder than I could imagine.

I needed to cry, because those tears needed to be shed. I needed to reflect on the events, so I could fully understand what was going on. Most importantly, I needed to find me.

Although that journey has been ongoing since my angsty teen years, it's still one I need to continue. To truly be happy, you have to first find out who you are. To be honest I'm still not there.

I've been trying to look deep within and find out who I am. I want to find out my true likes and dislikes, and for some reason I can't. It's as if I'm an empty shell who goes through the motions.

I'm the person who always says yes, and I feel as if I'm never allowed to say no. I won't allow myself to be selfish. In the long run, I feel like that's what gets me hurt. I always push my feelings aside and worry about the issues of others. It's taking a toll on me. I have been and always will be there for you all, and that will never change. But I do need to think about me.

I'm not saying you are never there for me, because I know you have been and will always be.

I need to find out what I want in life. I need to decide where this life is going to take me. I can no longer not think about me. I need to show the me kept deep down that it deserves a chance to breathe.

I need to find my beauty, my peace of mind, and my happiness. I need to find out who I am.

I need you to be there; I need you to love me. I need you to be supportive in my endeavors. By no means am I pushing you out of my life.

I feel like life is passing me by and that I haven't lived. I need to experience things and enjoy what little time I have here. I want you there step for step, because you are a part of me. You helped me get this far, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I owe you many things. Respect, love, honesty, and most importantly, I owe you my life.

Please understand, it's truly me and not you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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To Those I've Neglected

You are my ray of sunshine in a clouded world.

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

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2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

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4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

We don't buy into these... just like how we don't buy our friends.

8. "The whole philanthropy thing isn't real, right?"

7. "I don't need to buy my friends."

6. "Oh, so I'll bet you love to drink."

5. "Can you tell me some of your secrets?"

4. "What do you do at your meetings?"

3. "Do you guys haze really badly?"

2. "Is it just like in the movies?"

1. "Sororities are so basic."

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!