So, you know my name is Meagan (yes, with that extra A), you know I write on Odyssey, and you know I attend EIU.

For many, the basics are all they know about a person, unless they've really taken the time to get to know them better. I'm damn proud of who I've become. My life has been a rollercoaster, and it has shaped the way I believe things now and do the things I do.

Here's a sneak peek at my life.

When I was 2, I got deadly sick with a form of E-coli. No, I don't know where it came from or how I got it. I was in the hospital in St. Louis, and the doctors gave my mom a slim percentage of me making it out alive. Because of this, I have a large scar on my stomach from the tubes, and I call it my "second belly button", just to keep positive, considering I freakin' hate the way it looks. (I also have a scar on my left arm from being poked with needles so many times, so that the doctors could try and get blood from me.)

This is why I don't like people who wear white lab coats, or hospitals, and avoid going whenever I don't have to. This is why I don't wear two piece bathing suits and especially don't wear a bikini. This is why I believe that women should be empowered by their scars, no matter how they got them. Mine aren't from a C-section, but it's pretty gnarly.

When I was 5, my biological father passed away. When I was 8, my mom got remarried, and my step-dad became my real dad. He has been there for me through every obstacle and milestone I've achieved. Some of his family took me in as theirs, as well, but others treated me like I was obviously not related to them, and couldn't care less about me. Nevertheless, dad taught me how to change a tire, how to jack up a car and fix brakes and rotors, how to check my oil on my own, how to properly clean kitchen counters and vacuum, and he taught me how to be independent. He did these things on his own, and he knew he didn't have to. I became one of his children.

This is why I believe in adoption. This is why I believe that better things can come from pretty bad experiences. This is why I believe family does not have to be through blood relation to be real. This is why I don't believe in the word "step", even though some of his family obviously loves to use that word since I don't have their last name. I don't think a last name matters when it comes to who your family is, and his love made me realize that.

When I was in middle school, I was constantly, consistently, thoroughly teased about my weight and appearance. The beginning of puberty also came around, aka acne. I was downgraded and didn't belong with a certain group, besides the band kids. Band is what made me the most happy during this time. I was a clarinet player, and a good one at that. It kept me happy and focused on things other than being talked about, which was my saving grace.

This is why I believe in stopping bullying. This is why I don't ever think it's right to comment on someone else's appearance. This is why I don't ever mention someone's acne when I notice it. This is why I don't judge people on what they use to keep them happy, because band really helped me, even if I also got made fun of for being in band.

During my freshman into sophomore year of high school, a rumor was started about me that I was a lesbian. At that time, it was very offending to me, because I knew that I wasn't, and had given no one a reason to start it. I also had a fellow classmate post on my Facebook wall that I should get free makeup tips from Carson's in the mall because I was too ugly to be seen. This hurt me more than words can explain, and I was ashamed to be seen in school for awhile because of how many people in school had seen that post before it could be taken down. I don't know what I ever did to deserve the treatment I got during those two years, but boy I would NEVER have thought to do that to someone.

This is why I believe in stopping rumors instead of starting them. This is why I don't like the use of social media for bringing others down. This is why I try to stop hate and rumors before they spread too far. I believe in helping and caring, not degrading and lying.

During my sophomore/junior year of high school, I began to realize how I was bigger than other girls in my class and no boys talked to me, and the one boy who did was, of course, a football player and ruined my relationship with my parents for awhile. So, naturally, I stopped eating. I lost 30+ pounds. My grandma was also diagnosed with cancer this year, which made my stress go up, and my eating habits get even worse. She was the only one to notice that my weight loss was not healthy. She is the only one who took the time to make sure I ate when I was at her house, and called me to make sure I was okay. She was the only one that I could talk to about it and not feel judged. This was also the year that I drank/got drunk for the first time, and had people telling me later about the things that almost happened to me that I have no memory of.

Senior year of high school, my uncle passed away unexpectedly 6 days after my 17th birthday. I had to miss quite a bit of band camp, which was the worst thing that could have happened at that time because of what I was dealing with.

This is why I make sure to check in on people if i know they're having weight troubles. This is why it bothers me, still, when people comment on how much I eat, and why I refuse to comment on others' eating habits. This is why I will NEVER be okay with my friends drinking with people that they don't really know, or get close with a guy while they are intoxicated. Gosh, this is why I will forever miss my grandma more than anything.

Freshman year at EIU came. I met my now fiancè, Austin, which was one of my better choices. My grandma's cancer progressed aggressively throughout the year, with treatment really not working. It was so bad that my grades declined, my lack of motivation went away, I stopped going to class regularly, I became severely depressed, and I apparently hid it very well. I stopped eating again, I cried all the time, I wanted to drink more, and with help from Austin, and much internal battling, I began to seek out counseling. This was also the year i was formally put on medication. Grandma then passed away the day after I finished my finals, May 6th. My grades that semester were almost all C's, I was depressed more than ever before, but I passed.

This is why I always check to see how my friends are doing, in case they are depressed about something that I can't always see. This is why I try to make sure that I'm there whenever someone needs a friend. This is why I try to help people out with their school work whenever I can, because i know what it's like to fall behind. This is also why I am a complete cancer awareness supporter, and I always take advantage of times when i can donate, participate, and be involved with raising awareness. This is why I will always tell people that going to counseling is never a bad thing for you, and they won't tell you that you're crazy.

Right now, I'm working full time and going to school full time. My dad is having a major surgery next week. My anxiety is pretty out of control. I have a lot of appearance/weight/self conscious issues. I don't have a filter, which kinda gets me in trouble sometimes.

On the flip side, I have some pretty awesome things going for me. I'm 20 and graduating from EIU a year early with a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology. I'm getting married on November 11, 2017. I'm attempting to get my depression under control, and living life knowing I have a special guardian angel over me. I bought a car on my own and live comfortably with Austin and my fur baby, Malcolm. I have four beautiful nieces and nephews, and I have a good relationship now with all of my siblings and my parents.

This is my life. This is why I believe what I do. I don't tell people these things to get a pity party or make them feel bad for me. This is part of why I am the way I am, and I'm not ashamed to tell my story, even if it's not the best. I wish others would be brave enough to share theirs, as I did mine, and not feel bad about it.