Recommended for you

Start writing a post

Health and Wellness

Honestly, This Is What Depression Really Feels Like

I cannot give up, I won't be silenced. I will keep fighting.

Maggie Allen

Jan 23, 2018

Tampa, Florida

668

Honestly, This Is What Depression Really Feels Like

Louis Blythe

2018 started out great. Then it hit me all at once. It's been a difficult month.

A dark and horrible month. My mind is racing, and my heart is heavy. And with this, I've closed every door and I've shut down. Don't get me wrong, I still manage to function on good days. But I have to "fake it till you make it" because I have no choice; I have to get up and face the world. You may have noticed my fake smiles, the way I have been busying myself (or at least trying to) with small, almost productive tasks to try not to overthink and over analyze situations and to help get me through the day.

The thing about depression is that it isn't a list of textbook symptoms. In some ways it is, but I feel hopeless and worthless. Some nights I can't sleep and almost everyday I have a crying episode for god knows why. I am more than a page of bullet points and warning signs and I am more than a WebMd article.

I am an 18 year old girl with depression. A living, breathing person with a mental illness, but I don't let it define who I am as a person.

Depression often feels surreal. Sometimes I feel angry, volatile, and overly emotional and other times I am completely numb. It hurts to think and to feel because I am devastated, broken, I am a shell of myself. And nothing makes sense. Everything I knew and know and once believed now seems silly and stupid in this new found state of mind. But they say that God works in mysterious ways and I'm going to wait for the sign.

Even though I have depression, I'm not depressed 24/7. I'll have months of feeling great and happy and then it all hits. And when you try to tell people about what you're feeling you get the usual "you're just being emotional" or "are you PMS-ing?".

Depression makes me feel as if I'm living in a house of cards: one misstep and it all falls down. One skipped breath and I'll fall down.

I cannot give up, I won't be silenced. I will keep fighting. That's what life with depression is: a fight. A scary, painful fight.

It's a fight worth having. My life, and every life, is a life worth living. With depression and without.

Report this Content

This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Student Life

Syllabus Week As Told By Kourtney Kardashian

Feeling Lost During Syllabus Week? You're Not Alone!

University of Iowa

Winter break is over, we're all back at our respective colleges, and the first week of classes is underway. This is a little bit how that week tends to go.

The professor starts to go over something more than the syllabus

Kuwtk Keeping Up With The Kardashians GIFfrom Kuwtk GIFs

You get homework assigned on the first day of class

There are multiple group projects on the syllabus

Kardashian GIFfrom Kardashian GIFs

You learn attendance is mandatory and will be taken every class

Professor starts chatting about their personal life and what inspired them to teach this class

Participation is mandatory and you have to play "icebreaker games"

Everybody is going out because its 'syllabus week' but you're laying in bed watching Grey's Anatomy

Looking outside anytime past 8 PM every night of this week

Nobody actually has any idea what's happening this entire week

Kourtney Kardashian Keeping Up With The Kardashians GIFfrom Kourtney Kardashian GIFs

Syllabus week is over and you realize you actually have to try now...or not

Whatever GIFfrom Meh GIFs

Now it's time to get back into the REAL swing of things. Second semester is really here and we all have to deal with it.

syllabus week

Lifestyle

Signs You Worked At Panera Bread In High School

Chips, apple or bread?

Ithaca College

147

Whether you specialized in ringing people up or preparing the food, if you worked at Panera Bread it holds a special place in your heart. Here are some signs that you worked at Panera in high school.

1. You own so many pairs of khaki pants you don’t even know what to do with them

Definitely the worst part about working at Panera was the uniform and having someone cute come in. Please don’t look at me in my hat.

Keep Reading...Show less

panera bread

Politics and Activism

7 Ways to Make Your Language More Transgender and Nonbinary Inclusive

Making the world safer through language.

University of Pittsburgh

3433

7 Ways to Make Your Language More Transgender and Nonbinary Inclusive

With more people becoming aware of transgender and non-binary people, there have been a lot of questions circulating online and elsewhere about how to be more inclusive. Language is very important in making a space safer for trans and non-binary individuals. With language, there is an established and built-in measure of whether a place could be safe or unsafe. If the wrong language is used, the place is unsafe and shows a lack of education on trans and non-binary issues. With the right language and education, there can be more safe spaces for trans and non-binary people to exist without feeling the need to hide their identities or feel threatened for merely existing.

Keep Reading...Show less

transgender

Recommended for you

Honestly, This Is What Depression Really Feels Like

I cannot give up, I won't be silenced. I will keep fighting.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

It's happening.

Excitement

Relief

Excitement (again)

Sadness

Feeling Lost During Syllabus Week? You're Not Alone!

The professor starts to go over something more than the syllabus

You get homework assigned on the first day of class

There are multiple group projects on the syllabus

You learn attendance is mandatory and will be taken every class

Professor starts chatting about their personal life and what inspired them to teach this class

Participation is mandatory and you have to play "icebreaker games"

Everybody is going out because its 'syllabus week' but you're laying in bed watching Grey's Anatomy

Looking outside anytime past 8 PM every night of this week

Nobody actually has any idea what's happening this entire week

Syllabus week is over and you realize you actually have to try now...or not

Chips, apple or bread?

1. You own so many pairs of khaki pants you don’t even know what to do with them

2. Chips, apple or bread is probably your most repeated phrase

3. Taking bakery items with you out to parties was a must

4. Taking bakery items home to your parents was also a must (if you wanted to live)

5. Your friends expected you to give them free stuff

6. Being put on dishes made you question humanity

7. You saw everyone and their mother (especially their mothers)

8. Working the opening shift was actually the worst thing to ever happen to you

9. Being able to predict what people would order

10. Making coffee was your least favorite thing to do

11.Being put on the dining room was the absolute WORST

12. Secretly putting in your Panera card number when other people didn’t have them or want them.

13. You would still come in on days you weren’t working to take advantage of your discount

It's Been a Long Winter Break

Making the world safer through language.

1. Use singular they for people whose pronouns you don't know, people who use those pronouns, and stop using him/her.

2. Stop using the words "opposite sex" or "both sexes" or "opposite gender" or "both genders".

3. Ask people's pronouns when you meet them.

4. Use the word cisgender.

5. Stop saying "born a boy/girl" about a transgender or non-binary person.

6. Stop using the term 'preferred pronouns'.

7. Stop using a transgender or non-binary person's dead name.

Trending Topics

Top Creators

Trending Stories

Best of Health and Wellness

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments

Subscribe to our
Newsletter