Any type of relationship is work and requires give and take. But at what point is enough, enough? This is something I have always struggled with knowing. At what point is it time to walk away or time to keep trying. Is it suppose to be when the relationship compromises my happiness? Maybe, but is it because of something I'm doing? Its not always going to be easy, so I should just stick it out it'll get better.It has to get better, right? This is just a phase. Is it when it clouds my thoughts? But those thoughts aren't just bad some are good, I try not to think of the bad.
Even so the relationship still goes on and there are good moments and I forget my frustrations. I'm still taken for granted, I just choose to ignore it. It's probably my fault, I probably did something wrong. It's because I'm not good enough, I should be better. I should workout more, I should eat less. I should be available. I should be more attentive. I should be nicer. I'm always so busy, I need to make more time.
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Here's my story, its sad but true. These are thoughts I've had and they changed me. They made me into a different person. I would look at myself in the mirror and think, "who is she?". People said I was different but I didn't understand. I didn't feel like I'd changed. It's not until you, yourself can take off your blinders and see the person you have become. For everyone this moment is different. For me it was like a light bulb moment, like AH HA I can see it now. Who am I, who is this person I have become? This person is quiet and stagnant. This isn't me. How did I let someone change me into someone else. It happened slowly and then all at once, and I realized I was different. My sunshine was gone and I wanted it back. I had to dig deep down and find myself again. Instead of living for everyone else, I started living for myself. I painted, drew, biked, ran, and took the time to watch the sunset. I said no to others and yes to myself.
I'm a VERY patient person. You can be mean to me, you can treat me awful and I will still be there for you. "If I ever decide to give up on you, understand how much that took out of me. I'm the type to give endless chances, always have your back even when you're wrong and truly accept you for who you are. When the rest of the world doesn't want you, I will. So if I decide to give up on you, understand it took EVERYTHING I had left inside of me to leave you. Because if I care about you and have invested in you, there isn't anything on the planet I won't do for you."
