Something I've often been told in college is that I'm a very confident person. It always used to catch me off guard when people would say things like that because I never felt like confidence was really something that I had. I have plenty of self-esteem issues just like every other 20-something woman does, so how is it that people see me as being confident?

I've always admired those girls who seemed like they had it all together. You know the type. The ones who are always smiling, laughing, seemingly unbothered by anything. The ones who are so put together, the ones that seem to catch the eye of every single person in any room they walk into. Girls like that, are the ones I saw as being "confident."

I've never been a girl who blended in. I was always taller than my classmates and my friends, and I have a ridiculously loud laugh that tends to make me stick out. And for a long time, I hated that. I did everything I could to blend in because I was desperate to be like those girls who everyone admired, who I admired. I shrunk myself down, always feeling like I needed to be smaller, quieter, less. Less of myself, less of anything. I was so scared of what people would think, and I was so jealous of girls who had self-esteem, who so clearly loved themselves and I thought that they were able to have confidence because they were beautiful on the outside, because they fit in. I thought that was all that mattered.

That was until I realized that "confident" isn't something anyone just is. It's something you have to work at, every single day. Because when it comes down to it, confidence has nothing to do with your outer appearance or how physically attractive you are and everything to do with how you're able to accept your flaws and love yourself not in spite of, but because of them. It also has nothing to do with other people or how they view you, and everything to do with how you view yourself. Because confidence is not "they will like me," it is "I will be fine if they don't."

And so much of being OK regardless of what others think of you comes from accepting yourself. From realizing that your good heart and the kindness you show to everyone you meet, means a whole lot more than your contour or your eyebrows. Because once you learn that happiness, a light that shines from the inside out and a kind heart are what make people want to be around you, not just your physical appearance, you'll be so much happier.

Things that increase your confidence and your happiness from the inside out can be as simple as smiling at a stranger or holding the door for someone. Doing little things like that will make you feel so much better about yourself as a person, which in turn increases your confidence. So what I'm trying to say here, is that the more you look inward at yourself and the person you want to become, the more you try your best to be a better person, the more confident and better you will feel on the outside. And for me? I'd much rather feel confidence because I'm happy with who I am as a person than because of something as fleeting as outer beauty.