I am a human being, an individual, and a student. I am a person who laughs, cares about others, loves, smiles, hurts, but I also make mistakes. I am who I am because of the experiences I’ve been through, good and bad, the way I was raised, and because of the people I surround myself with. Each of these experiences, whether they are good or bad, defines me as a person.
I grew up in North Patchogue, New York and I went to the Patchogue-Medford School District. In school (and outside of school) I love to do musical theatre. Musical theatre is my passion and it is what I want to eventually go to school for after Suffolk. I used to believe I was never that talented because I’m not a fan of what my voice sounds like. Or how I look for that matter. A tall, skinny and scrawny guy isn’t exactly attractive but throughout my years of growing up I was always cast as some sort of part in a musical whether it be in or outside of school. Also a lot of people tell me how talented I am. They repeat this a lot, and it makes me feel like I’m making a difference in people’s lives because I can create enjoyment through this sort of entertainment. I value these people’s opinions and these people make me believe I really am a talented individual. These people make me want to be on Broadway one day to impact thousands of other people’s lives. This being said, it was not easy for me growing up. I was always teased and was always called “the gay kid” in middle school because of my passion. It was always said that only girls are supposed to sing and dance because that was the girly thing to do. It was weird for a young teenage boy to do this and this affected me. This was very hard for me and it affected my self-esteem in a very negative way. At the time of the bullying it didn’t affect me very much except for the fact that I was scared to go to school sometimes. The only reason why I liked going to school was because I had a large friend group and they were always by my side whenever I needed them the most. I never really showed my emotions though which affected me negatively in years to come.
In 9th grade I had found a sense of who I really was. I had realized that I was gay. I hadn’t told anyone at first because I was scared of what people might think of me. I was scared of what my parents would think. Was I a disappointment to the family name? Would I be thrown out? Will they still love me? These were things that went through my head. I would compare myself to the straight guys because that was the “norm”. Being straight was “normal” and if you were gay you were judged. I would try to act like the guys around me rather than actually being myself. This eventually bothered me so much and I came out to everyone. None of my friends were really shocked and to my advantage a lot of people actually did not care. This helped my self-esteem go up. However though, I had to eventually tell my parents. I had told my mom at first because I was really scared to tell my dad. I didn’t have the courage to tell my mother in person though so I had texted her (which was stupid on my part.) At first my mother was a little shocked and was upset that I had not told her in person. She eventually told me to wait to tell my father. Eventually I told my father and he was upset at first. No dad would want a gay son. A dad always dreams of his little boy marrying the woman of his dreams. They imagine you having kids with this woman. This wasn’t my life though. It wasn’t this perfect life. This was reality. Both of my parents accept me for who I am and I couldn’t be happier.
However, as high school went on I went through a time where I felt extremely depressed. There were so many reasons as to why I felt this way. I felt like I had nobody. I was really depressed but I made people believe I was still the really happy Vinny everyone knew. This was really wrong of me because it led to my downfall. I had tried killing myself and I was hospitalized for a month because of my depression. I had felt worthless, and felt as if nobody had cared about me. I felt like nobody loved me anymore and that I was just a piece of empty space in this world. I did not see a future for me. Throughout this month of hospitalization I had learned how to cope with my emotions and how to raise my self-esteem. I learned to not care what people think of you and to just be yourself. You have to be yourself to live a fulfilled life. You have to surround yourself with positive people to live a positive life. These things sound like common sense but when you’re a teenager it can be very hard to actually believe these things. It is easier said than done. These experience have made me stronger, and I have learned from them.
I believe I have found a sense of who I AM throughout my eighteen years of life. I am charming, I make people laugh, I cry, I hurt, I smile, but most importantly I am who I want to be. I don’t live a façade of a life anymore. I live my life to the fullest and I don’t hide behind a false identity anymore. It is wonderful to be living in a time that is very progressive. These experiences have really shaped me into the man I am today. This is my story. I am proud of who I am. Now think about this question, who are you?
