Dear you,

I know we haven’t spoken much lately. I’ll blame myself for that. I just wanted you to be happy. But I miss you and I can’t deny that. We almost had something, and now there’s nothing. I almost loved you, and I like to think that you almost loved me back. I don’t know what happened. Things changed, and I’m not sure why or how. But I also like to think that some day, maybe in a couple of years, our paths will cross again --some day when we’re not so wrapped up in everything else, or someone else, when you have the same capacity to love me that I’ve always had for you, when the timing is right.

The problem is that I really care about you. And if you happen to really care for a person, you would push them to be with someone who will make them happy, even if it means it will slowly kill you. You’ll give him what he wants, you’ll try your best to accept that it’s not only you who could make him happy, and if being with the person he likes no matter how much it’ll hurt you is what’s going to make him happy then so be it. If talking to that person is what’s going to put a smile on his face, or if that’s all it takes to complete his day, then let him talk to that person. If having that person in his life is what he wants, then you would let that person have him. You would let him know you’re happy for him no matter how much it would hurt you, no matter how much you wanted to be that person he can’t stop thinking about. And that’s what I’m doing for you.

There are some things I want to tell you, though. I never really did like my body. But you never failed to tell me how beautiful I looked. From then on, I got comfortable, thinking maybe it’s not so bad, so thank you. When I put on makeup, I remember the way you said “that looks good on you” so I would spend extra time on it sometimes trying to make sure each wing of eyeliner was perfect. You always used to sing and dance in the car. Now every time one of your favorite songs comes on, I want to call you and just play it for you. I know it sounds weird, but I guess I just want you to know that I’m thinking about you. You’re everywhere. Everyday. How can you forget about someone when they’re everything you see? How can you lose feelings for the person whose name is the definition of every feeling you’ve ever felt? Exactly, you can’t. I just miss you.

Sometimes I wonder if you think of me as much as I think of you, or if you even think of me at all. Sometimes I wonder if you’ll call, or when, and what you’re doing, and how you’ve been. Because once you get a taste of what it’s like to sleep in the arms of someone you love, sleeping alone is never enough. But all good things come to an end at some point, right? And people keep telling me that you’ll come back eventually, but the truth is, I don’t even want to keep missing you anymore. I just can’t help myself.