I’m going to be honest and say that this pregnancy has been pretty easy for me. I know I’m going to receive a lot of blacklash or people hating on me for that, but it’s true. Pregnancy affects every body differently, let’s remember that.

We found out the day after my 21st birthday. For those of you that really know me, you know I’ve never had alcohol. It’s not for any religious circumstances or anything, I’ve just never felt a desire to. I truly believe drinking isn’t for everyone and I don’t feel I need to try it out to know that. My boyfriend and I actually got into an argument that day over something ridiculous, and he said I think you may be pregnant. I took a test, and there it was, I was pregnant. Of course I took a few tests to be sure, and every one of them was positive.

I went to planned parenthood to get an official test done for insurance purposes and also just to be absolutely sure, and again positive. However, they told me I was 9 weeks, which didn’t quite make sense, but who am I to argue with a professional, you know? Since it was the end of the year, it was really hard to get into an office as a new patient with my insurance. So we went to a place that would just do an ultrasound for $80. As you can probably understand, I’m really nervous, anxious, and excited, all at once, so it’s a little overwhelming, but in a good way. They do the ultrasound, and she says, “Okay, so it’s there! But you aren’t as far along as you said.” Honestly, I was a little sad because in my mind I was like okay cool I’m almost done with the first trimester and I just found out. Now it’s almost like fuck I have to back track, I guess.

We finally get into an office for my first official ultrasound and I was so nervous. I was still really early on, but word spread around pretty fast in our families. I was really scared, and I kept thinking, “What if there isn’t a heartbeat? What do I do?” “What do we tell the family?” I would feel like such a disappointment since everyone was so excited. It was going to be even more uncomfortable if there wasn’t a heartbeat, and we all had to go back to our normal lives, as if it never happened. We all know this kind of subject is something that is just unspoken of. I just didn’t want to have to experience that. I know it’s so painful and heartbreaking for so many.

She puts the gel on my stomach and there’s a screen in my view so I can see as well. She’s says, “There’s the baby! We’re moving around a lot.” I think to myself, “Really? I don’t feel anything.” I was around 12 weeks at the time, but I’ve never experienced this obviously, how was I supposed to know what was normal and not? Then she hit a button so we could hear the heartbeat, and this wave of relief just went through my body. Just to hear that one sound I was in love. It’s hard to explain it more, but I just instantly felt that feeling of, “I’m a mom.” Just gotta day here, you’re not just a mom as soon as the baby arrives, you’re a mom as soon as you become pregnant. You are quite literally an incubator for this baby, you have to protect them.

Throughout the rest of the first trimester, I didn’t experience any nausea, just food adversions, and of course, it was to Mexican food. So fuck my life, right? More specifically, restaurant Mexican food. If it was cooked at home, it’s perfectly fine. I know, pregnancy is weird as shit. I just about immediately started having cravings, but for specific food from specific places. I remember one day I wanted a grilled cheese with tomato soup from home, a Johnny Rockets milkshake, and a Moe’s burrito bowl.. all at once. I’m telling you these symptoms are fucking weird.

I thought people we kind of kidding when they said, “Yeah when I sneeze or cough, I pee myself a little.” They weren’t kidding. I have to basically do a kegel to try to stop it from happening, but I can’t always catch it unfortunately.

The night before my mother’s one year anniversary of her passing, I felt the first movements. It was the craziest thing, but then I almost became addicted to it. I had to feel the movement, I felt more connected to my baby than ever before, and I actually felt pregnant, even though I didn't look pregnant at all. Everyday, I make sure I feel some sort of movement. It’s just a reassurance and it helps with my typical pregnancy anxiety.

Pregnancy anxiety. It’s real. Shit freaks you the fuck out. If I don’t hear from my boyfriend after a certain amount of time, my mind imagines these crazy scenarios. I think, “Oh god, something happened, this isn’t like him.” Then he answers, and I triple check that he’s okay, and then I kind of start to calm down. I’ve been getting better with it, but there’s always those days where I totally freak out.

Pregnancy dreams. Craziest shit I’ve ever experienced. The other night, and I’m not making this up, I had a dream that Khloe Kardashian and I went to hibachi, and these people started attacking us and I had to kill them all. I know it’s really violent, but I’m not kidding. I had to kill the hibachi people to save Khloe. I’ve also had very vivid dreams about the world ending and such. That one actually really got to me and freaked me out. These dreams, I’m telling you, are extremely vivid and will affect your sleep for the rest of the night. Not fun.

We get to the point where I’m in the second trimester, and I just think to myself, “Already? Damn okay.” I started doing at home yoga to make sleeping at night easier and get my exercise in for the day. Plus the pregnancy pillow helps a lot too. I finally find a job where they’ll take me while being pregnant. I’m currently working 35-40 hours a week. I know there’s others who probably work more than that, but when you yourself are pregnant, and you’re dealing with 100 kids every day that aren’t disciplined, and you have kids literally so scared of “Momo” they throw up in front of you, you get exhausted. Yeah this shit is ridiculous, but I’m picking up as many shifts as possible to bring in money. However, I’ll admit there are days where I have to listen to my body, and just realize alright today, we need to take it easy. It’s not that pregnancy has been hard on my body, but my job has been hard on my body. I have to be up every morning at 4:45 and I don’t get back till after 9:30. Some days I’ll take a shift and work 6-11:45, then I have to be back 2-6. So I’m working about 8-10 hours a day. I know people are gonna say, you better get used to not getting any sleep, that baby will keep you up. I need those people to shut the fuck up. Don’t you think I know that? I literally have people who think this pregnancy was for “insta likes”. I’m being deadass. I need those of you to mind of business, stay in your lane, and sorry sista, but nobody asked you, little miss perfect. Look, us moms, dads, guardians, etc. we’re in this shit together, but please if your opinion isn’t asked for, keep your mouth closed. Okay? I’d really appreciate it. That rant wasn’t to be a bitch or to target anyone, but I’m sure plenty of other parents can relate. That’s what I’m here for, I’m going to say the shit no one dares to say.

Anyways, we get to the point where we go in for the 20 week scan. Of course, and again, I’m nervous. As we all know this is the scan that you find out the gender. At 12 weeks they gave us an idea, but it’s so early on you never fully know until 20 weeks, sometimes. Some babies like to sit with their legs crossed. Mine likes to do gymnastics flips and hid their face. We come to find out, it’s a boy! I’ll be honest, I didn’t really care what the gender was as long as baby and I were healthy.

Well, we’re caught up with my pregnancy. I’m currently 21 weeks, I’m basically depressed they closed Steak ‘n Shake, and I constantly want Moe’s and their burrito bowls. I’m not showing too much, as in I haven’t “popped”. However, being on the taller end, and smaller to begin with. It’s also really hard for me to gain weight, and I’ve had this problem since I was a kid. I had drink those nasty protein shake things. Anyways, I’ll keep you guys updated as much as possible!