I’m sorry-not-sorry, but there are certain things in this world that should NOT be a thing. Certain creepy crawly, bad tasting and all around no good things. Also, sorry but I love pineapple on my pizza. If you’re looking for that to be on this list, it’s not. Why do I mention this? Lately, half of my Facebook feed is people who for some reason have a vendetta against pineapples on pizza. With THAT out of the way, I present to you a random list of things that should cease to be things. Thanks to mi amiga, Hannah Hall, (The Greatest Walmart Adventure Friend) for helping me come up with some of the horrible things on this list.
1. Hobo spiders
Nothing good comes from Hobo spiders. There are plenty, less threatening spiders handling insect population. But Hobo spiders and black widows? Heck to the nope.
2. Grapes with seeds inside them
Just stop grapes. No one wants that seedy little surprise when they bite into you. If I buy a bag of SEEDLESS grapes, then they sure as shoot better be seedless. I have been lied to by many a bag of grapes claiming to be seedless.
3. Non-soft towels
You know the ones, those scritchy-scratchy towels that refuse to soak up things and make you feel all bleh and sad. No.
4. "Lord Of The Flies"
I read this book in high school. I don’t even know where to start with how disturbed that book was. I was legitimately traumatized for weeks after reading that book. Never again.
5. Under-funded arts programs in schools
Art is mildly expensive, and lacks proper funding almost everywhere. My art teachers throughout the years spent so much of their own money to ensure that their budding artists were properly supplied. The arts matter, peeps.
6. Women’s clothing sizing
I could try on one pretty dress in a size 9 and one in a size 14 on the same day and have both fit exactly the same, depending solely on brand. Make up your mind clothing industry, and stop worsening women’s self-esteem. Please and thank you.
7. Columbus Day
Do I even have to explain all the reasons that this is SO not a holiday? He was a horrible human being who discovered the wrong country. ‘Nuff said.
8. Yogurt commercials
No one is THAT awkwardly happy whilst eating yogurt. Also, yogurt is not solely for women. Quit with the sexism, yogurt. Let men be in the commercials.
9. Jump scares
Jump scares are cheap, you can do so much better than that horror movies. Also, let’s be real, no one enjoys the feeling of being brought to a near heart attack in less than 10 seconds—or ever.
10. Body shaming
It is 2016 and this crap has got to stop for real. It needs to stop right now. No skinny shaming, no chubby shaming and no fat shaming. Worry ‘bout your own dang bodies and feeling your best and brightest.
11. American cheese
I roll my eyes HEARING it called cheese. If you know anything about how actual cheese is made and aged, you know that American cheese is literally everything but cheese. You are not cheese. Do not soil the beautiful title of cheese with your weirdly fake and over-processed orangeness.
12. Animal abuse
Yes, leaving your dog in your car when it is above 70 degrees is abuse. Don’t abandon animals and don’t leave them in hot cars. DON’T own animals if you can’t, won’t or don’t know how to care of them. Remember that it is a federal offense now.
13. Wet socks
Shudders in disgust. Getting your feet wet by accident while wearing socks is just ugh, nope. No, no and forever no.
