Since apparently I don't believe in keeping any secrets, I thought I'd let you in on another one: For over three years now, I have struggled with emetophobia or a fear of throwing up in public.
I was a sophomore in college when I had my first panic attack. I worried myself sick over a running test that I knew I wasn’t going to pass, even though I had trained for months. I was so anxious the day of the test that I started uncontrollably dry-heaving 20 seconds into the run. I'd recall how awful and embarrassing that moment felt any time I started feeling nervous about something. That fear lead to a downward spiral of intrusive thoughts that lead to such a low point that I couldn't even set foot in a grocery store without Tums, a water bottle and a barf bag in my purse “just in case.”
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Recently, I’ve tried to be my own therapist and figure out ways to change my way of thinking about things that normally make me anxious. This was mainly out of necessity because I decided it was a good idea to throw myself into the ensemble of a musical production at our community theater. While I was terrified of this at first (I haven't really performed since my phobia started), I've found that putting myself in situations where I have to rationalize my fear has helped me start to climb out of the hole I dug for myself.
So here I am to share with you the three most helpful mindset changes I've made that have helped with my phobia and general anxiety:
I treat my anxiety like it’s a person
Anxiety is a mechanism designed to protect you. It's the surge of stress hormones that come with the fight-or-flight response, which is great if we're being chased by a bear in the woods, but not so great when you're trying to get through your day sitting at your work desk. If you think of your anxiety as being more of a concerned friend trying to look out for you rather than this monster trying to ruin your day, your symptoms feel less scary. It's also easier to talk down your symptoms when you view them as not being a part of yourself.
I take away the authority of my thoughts
Instead of looking for meaning in every thought that floats into my mind, I'm trying an alternate way to think about them: Mindfulness therapy. With this approach, you ignore negative thoughts instead of trying to fight them off or challenge them, because in doing so, you give those thoughts way more power and authority than they deserve. You choose to only engage the thoughts that matter because there is really no good reason to focus on the bad ones. The goal with that is to eventually be able to see a negative thought enter your mind and let it float by without ever reacting to it!
I remind myself that it’s okay to not be anxious
This may seem like a "well, DUH!" kind of thing, but I actually really struggle with this one. A few weeks ago, I was having a bad day of anxiety and intrusive thoughts when I stopped and wondered to myself what it would be like if I just didn't worry about things. I heard a very distinct voice cut through the thought: well, someone has to worry for you! That's when I realized that I've become so used to feeling anxious that there is a part of me that believes I'm supposed to be anxious. When I'm calm in situations that would normally make me panic, I have to remind myself that it's okay not to stress instead of working myself up because that's how I think I should feel.
I'm not promising an easy fix with any of these things. In fact, I'm partially writing this because I need to have something to remind myself of how to think, because while those three things have all been helpful for me, I often forget about them. Anxiety is a scary thing, but we can learn to live with those thoughts or even beat them with patience, practice, and a whole lot of deep breathing. You got this!
Note: Some of these tips come from topics discussed in episodes of The Anxiety Coaches Podcast and Invisibilia. I highly recommend both podcasts for those wanting to learn more about how to change their relationship with their anxiety and mind!
