When a girl has been hurt in the past, she tends to become very independent. This is the case with me. I was raised by a single mother, and the lessons she has taught me both knowingly and unknowing have stuck with me most of my life. One thing in particular that she has taught me was to never rely on a man, or anyone else for that matter. This led to me becoming very independent, and therefore depending on myself only and not taking demands or relying on anyone, especially a man. This lesson was reiterated when my father walked out of my life, and when my first boyfriend left me. Sometimes this surge of independence can make it look like I’m uninterested in a guy, or that I’m stuck up but that is so not true. I am so used to everyone walking out, and only being able to rely on myself, so when a guy walks into my life I expect him to leave. I’m an independent girl, and I have spent my life making sure that I only have to rely on myself. So if you are an independent girl who doesn’t need a man, but still likes to date them, then here are things you know to be true. Furthermore, if you are a man lucky enough to be dating one of these independent girls who are so used to getting their hearts broken, here are a few things you must know.
1. We like to move slowly.
Please understand that this has nothing to do with you; chances are, you are great, it’s just that we have a lot of walls built up and trusting someone enough to let them go beyond those walls takes a lot of time. This is different for every individual, but just know that our walls are built up for reasons you may or may not know, and that they are there to protect us. Being an independent girl tends to mean that we put ourselves first, and that protecting ourselves is one of our main priorities. Moving slow could me manifested in many ways: they could tell you they want to move slow, they could test you and purposefully try to push you away (this is usually subconscious), or they could get scared when things start to move too fast and distance themselves from you.
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2. We don’t like to rely on anyone for anything, and we only trust ourselves.
We don’t like to ask for anything, and when we really do need something that we have to ask for we will apologize profusely for asking, and will try to do anything we can to settle our debts. We like to be in charge at all times because when we’re not in charge, we have to rely on others.
3. We like to make our own decisions, and hate being told what to do.
If you tell us that you want us to do something, chances are it’s not going to get done. This isn’t because we don’t want to do things for or with you, it’s just simply because we want to be the one that makes decisions, not you. This means that it’s probably not the best idea to make plans that include us, without running them by us first. There are exceptions to this rule but usually surprises are not our thing.
4. Falling in love is hard for us.
Everyone says that falling in love is the scariest thing you can do, and for us this is so true. Trusting people is hard for us because we have learned to only trust ourselves. Love is contingent on the fact that you trust someone else, and this very concept is hard for us to grasp. This doesn’t mean that we won’t let ourselves fall in love, it just simply means that it might take us a little bit longer.
5. When our walls finally come down, and we let you in, we will love you and cherish you more than you could imagine.
The saying “the longer you wait for something, the more you’ll appreciate it when you get it. Cause anything worth having is worth waiting for” rings true when dealing with an independent girl. The beginning of a relationship with an independent girl can be hard, especially when dealing with an independent guy. However, if you can get through the beginning of the relationship, and push past all the crap we will put you through, I promise you will have a girl who will cherish you. They will cherish you because they put you through hell and you stayed with them, you didn’t give up on them, and that is a miracle for girls who are so used to being hurt. They expect everyone to leave them, so when you don’t they will have a respect and a love for you that you can’t even begin to imagine.
We can't help what has happened in our past, and we can't help the way what we have been through has done to us. If you decide to love us through it, we promise to love and appreciate you no matter what. If you can't love us through it, then be honest with us, the worst thing you can do is put us through exactly what we've been through in the past. To love an independent girl means being patient, being understanding, being a good listener, and most of all being loving, and being loved back.
