Relationships can be messy from time to time. Sometimes, your partner says something that bothers you a little bit, but you brush it off. Other times, they say something that sets off every warning bell and light in your head and makes you want to run. Our instincts can be the best way to tell what is right and wrong in a relationship. If you hear any of the following, it may be time to reevaluate the position you're in.
“No one else will ever love you like I do.”
I have to start with this because it is absolutely 100% UNTRUE. If you are with someone who has told you this, they're not right for you. The only situation where this is said is when your partner is so desperate to keep you, they feel that they have to break down your confidence. If that's happening, the relationship isn't healthy anymore.
“I don’t want you hanging out with X, Y, Z.”
Substitute the letters for the names of good friends and yeah, a red flag should go up. While people romanticize the idea of it being him/her and you against the world, that's not all it has to be. You should be allowed to have friends, you should be able to spend time with family, it should be OK for you to meet with a study group. Don't let your partner isolate you from the world
“You look like a slut when you wear that shirt/shorts/dress/bathing suit, get rid of it.”
Here's a double whammy. To begin with, if your partner uses any kind of derogatory language towards you with the intent of making you feel bad about yourself, that's a no-go. And if they tell you what you can't wear, or what you can't look like, they're not truly valuing you for who you are. Be yourself, wear what you want, and don't stay with someone who doesn't see the value in you because they're distracted by your clothing choice.
“I need you to tell me where you are all the time, when you leave somewhere and when you arrive someplace new.”
Let me explain something. It is OK when your partner says "Let me know when you get home safe!" It is NOT OK if your partner demands to know your whereabouts every second of every day from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep. If you're paranoid about going anywhere with the fear of upsetting your partner, you deserve better.
“If you do that, I’ll break up with you.”
OK, then, BYE. At least, that should be your reaction. If your S/O limits your activities or puts a restriction on what you can do outside of hanging out with them, it's time to go. If you absolutely love going to the gym five days a week, but your partner starts demanding you only go once or twice (or not at all!), you need to think about why they wouldn't respect what makes you happy.
