A little less than a year ago, at 21 years old, I was diagnosed with ADHD. At first it came as a shock, but then it all started to make sense. I began to understand why school had always been so much harder for me. I started to fully comprehend the limitations to my disability and shortly after being medicated, I began to thrive. I did historically better in school, and I was more engaged than ever before. It was a huge blessing, until I started to hear the negative remarks. I’ve been pretty open about it with friends and family and, for the most part, I have been widely accepted and encouraged. But there have also been many people with negative things to say that have hurt me and made me think less of myself for this diagnosis. In an attempt to raise a little awareness, here are a few things that I think all people with ADHD would appreciate people understanding about our disability.
1. We’re not lazy or stupid.
For 21 years of my life I always felt like the dumbest kid in the room. I could study for hours and retain almost none of the information. It wasn’t until after I was diagnosed that I realized my brain wasn’t capable of remembering information the way other people could. I started to understand that I was different, but that didn’t mean I was stupid or lazy. My brain simply functions in an unconventional way.
Learn to appreciate people with ADHD for how much harder school and life can be for us. Try to understand that we are working our hardest and that we aren’t any less intelligent than the rest, but sometimes we will have to do things in a slightly unconventional way in order to reach our full potential.
2. It is genuinely hard for us to pay attention, so please don’t tell us ADHD doesn’t exist.
As I sit here trying to write my article, I have opened up Facebook, my email, and pinterest at least 20 times. I can’t stop shaking my leg and it has taken me 2 hours to write an article that should have taken 30-45 minutes. My brain might be thinking about 30 different things at once and it can be incredibly overwhelming to be inside my head and process my own thoughts, let alone pay attention to what you are saying to me.. I can’t count the number of times I have been told, “You don’t have ADHD, you are just not trying hard enough” or “You just need to teach yourself how to pay attention.” It has become one of the most frustrating parts of my diagnosis because despite what others think, I truly am incapable of focusing most of the time without the help of my meds.
Please stop telling us that ADHD doesn’t exist. You can’t understand how our brains work and it is incredibly offensive when you try and act like you know what is happening. We are not making this up and we are doing our best to overcome this obstacle. Try to understand instead of placing judgement.
3. Our brains don’t work like yours.
Without medication, I can sit in class fully engaged and none of the information will stick in my brain. I can study for 6 hours and retain maybe a fourth of the information. With ADHD I think I am focused and I am trying my best, but my brain isn’t actually processing the information. This basically means everything I learn when studying goes into my short term memory and never makes it to my long term memory. I will study for six hours the night before and wake up the next morning with a blank slate as if I never studied. As you can imagine, this is quite frustrating, but with medication my brain becomes “normal” again.
Please don’t ask to buy our meds because you want to study better. We truly need them for our brains to be able to function the way yours does without medication. I promise that we all wish our brain didn’t need medication to function at a normal level.
4. ADHD can affect more than just school.
You can ask any of my friends and they will tell you that I am an extremely organized individual. I am not usually flaky and when I commit to something I really commit, but this is how I learned to cope with my ADHD as a child. A lot of people with ADHD have a really hard time being organized, are often late to appointments or forget to go all together. For me, most of my ADHD manifested in my academics, but also affected my social life a little. It can be incredibly difficult for me to pay attention when people are talking to me, and sometimes I space out. It doesn’t mean I’m not trying to listen, but my brain sometimes can’t focus.
There are a lot of ways ADHD can affect a person, so it is really helpful when people at least try to understand what we are going through. We may seem scatter brained, or a little disorganized but it isn’t always our fault.
5. Some days our lives are a disaster moving in 100 different directions.
There are days when I feel invincible. I feel like I can accomplish anything and I get so much done, but then there are days when I can’t seem to get it together. My brain is moving a mile a minute and I can’t focus on one single thing. I try to start five different homework assignments, but can’t seem to finish a single one. I start a conversation with someone, but stop replying because I get distracted. My brain will be thinking about the homework assignment I have due in 20 minutes, the laundry that hasn’t been done, that doctor’s appointment I’ve been meaning to make for 3 weeks, and how I haven’t sent a birthday card to my best friend yet. I will seem frantic and frazzled and like a true disaster. My medication helps, but there are still some days when I can’t get it together no matter how hard I try.
On those days, please just accept us because we truly can’t help it and we are trying our best to hold everything together with a shoestring, even if we aren’t doing a great job.
6. Sometimes it is incredibly difficult to do only one thing at a time.
Those days when I feel invincible are the days when I can do 50 things at once. I can be listening to music, replying to emails, having a text conversation, a conversation in person, and doing spanish homework all simultaneously. I get into these “turbo” modes, as I call them, where I am incapable of doing one thing.
On those days you may want us to sit down and focus on just you, but try to at least understand how difficult that can be for someone with ADHD.
7. Medication helps, but it can also hurt.
When I first started the medication, I felt like my life had changed for the better. Everything was clearer, it was easier to pay attention, I could remember things for the first time, and I was doing better academically than ever before. Then I started to feel the negative effects. I lost my appetite and wouldn’t eat for 3 or 4 days at a time (I lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks), I started to feel so light headed I almost passed out, my hands would shake and my anxiety levels increased from a steady 2 or 3 to a strong 8 or 9 everyday. These side effects were terrible, but nothing was worse than my personality change. This may seem strange, and it definitely was to me. I started to feel like a different person. I was less happy, less invested in my friends, and overall a less kind person. I either felt numb, or incredibly anxious. I would make up things in my head and became paranoid about everything, so much so that it began affecting my friendships (Shout out to all of you that have stuck by my side - I appreciate you.) My meds are still affecting my life, but I am working hard with my doctor to try and find the proper balance.
For those of you without ADHD, please stop telling us that we are “lucky” to have Adderall because let me tell you, I would give anything to not have to take the medications that change who I am, just for the sake of academics. I miss my personality and my “sparkle” and I hate feeling this way all the time.
I encourage everyone to take a step back once a day and put yourself in the shoes of others, even if it isn’t putting yourself in the shoes of someone with ADHD. Try to understand that everyone is struggling with something and if everyone was just a little more understanding and a little more accepting the world would truly be a better place. I identify with my disability and maybe that makes you think less of me (even though it shouldn’t) , but I know what I feel and it is no one else’s business to judge me for that.
