Dear 15-year-old me,
Hello, beautiful. This is your future self. If you are reading this, I know that you are going through a difficult time in your life. Your body is changing, you are struggling to fit in, and you are wondering if things will ever get any better than they are right now in this very moment. Well, my darling, I am here to tell you that they absolutely will. I know that it may seem like the things you are going through are going to define you, but they will not. I also know that you feel as though you will be struggling forever, but you are wrong. Nothing lasts forever. So, I am writing this to let you know that everything will be okay. That being said, I have a few words of wisdom to hopefully get you through your darkest days. I hope that by the time you are done reading this, you will have hope for your future, and for the great things that lie for you in the road ahead.
You are beautiful with or without the makeup.
Throughout the course of your life (especially as you get older), you will struggle with body image issues. You will find yourself comparing yourself to others, wishing you looked a different way, and constantly wearing makeup to hide your insecurities. But let me just tell you that you are doing it all wrong. Don't get me wrong, makeup is great! But do not think for a second that you are not just as beautiful without the makeup on as you are with it. Everyone has insecurities, and everyone has their own definition of what is beautiful. Please know that your beauty will forever radiate outward, and no amount of makeup (or lack thereof) will ever change that.
You will get your heart broken, but it will be a blessing in disguise.
Heartbreak is inevitable. I know that at 15 or 16, the idea of getting your heart broken may seem like the end of the world, but believe me when I tell you that you will be okay. When you turn 19, you will be lucky enough to fall in love with an incredible guy. He will be your whole world. But, you will come to find out that in the end he was not all that incredible, and that he never did anything but prey on your insecurities and quite literally turn your world upside down. Now I know this sounds awful, but you will be grateful for this. Your first heartbreak teaches you a lot, and you will become wiser for it. You'll learn to trust more carefully, and to not depend on someone for the love that you should have been giving yourself all along. This guy will not be "the one" for you, but you will find him one day and you won't have to wonder why it never worked out with anyone else.
You will have success and you will have failure. Both are okay.
In life, you will not be consistently happy, nor will you be consistently sad. Likewise, you will succeed in some things, while you might fail at others. That's what we call balance. Please, always stay humble through your successes and and hopeful through your failures. Do not ever be discouraged, or let someone tell you that you can't do something. The word "can't" should never be in your vocabulary. You can do anything you put your mind to. You are more as a whole than the culmination of things that happen to you. You are not defined by how many times you fail or succeed. You're defined by how you move forward with lessons learned.
You will have a rough high school experience, but it will make you stronger.
It breaks my heart to have to tell you this, you will be picked on and bullied relentlessly throughout all of high school, and it will be the most difficult pain you've ever had to endure. This is not because of others, but because of yourself. You will start to believe that the names they call you are true; that you are worthless, unimportant, fat and ugly. You will even get to a point where you cannot stand to look at yourself in the mirror without feeling anything but utter hatred and disgust; you'll want to end it all. But, my love, please don't. You are beautiful, and although you don't believe it right now, please keep telling yourself every day that you are until the time comes that you do believe it. You will come out of this braver, wiser and stronger than you have ever been. I know it's hard to believe, but years from now, you will be grateful for the struggles; they are molding you right now into the person you will be for the rest of your life.
You will attend a small college, and it will be one of the best decisions you will ever make.
Your high school experience will be far less than ideal, but you will have an amazing college experience. When you decide to study Criminal Justice at Saint Thomas Aquinas College, you will expect those next four years to be just as miserable as the last four were; you won't know how wrong you'll be until it becomes your present. In college, you will blossom. You will break out of that timid little shell, and become the most outgoing social butterfly there ever was. I know you don't believe me now, but you'll see. Not only will you walk on to your school's softball team, but you will join a club in which you will show everyone that secret talent you've been hiding all these years (you know the one). You will make an incredible group of best friends that you wouldn't trade for the world (and that wouldn't trade you either). You will learn so much, both inside and outside of the classroom. You will make enough memories to last a lifetime. It will be the best four years of your life.
Stop apologizing for being "too emotional" or "too" sensitive.
Please stay true to yourself always. Do not ever let someone else tear you down. You are not "too" much of anything. You are a beautiful disaster and that's okay. You are passionate, and that is okay. You are sensitive and emotional, and there is nothing wrong with that. You have so much personality and so much to offer the world; don't ever let anyone dull your shine simply because you do not fit the mold of what people believe that a girl "should be". Be your own kind of perfect. Be your own version of beautiful.
It's okay to say no.
Saying no does not make you weak or unkind; it means that you have bravery and strength. Do not let people take advantage of your kindness. It is good to help others, but it is not okay to lose yourself in doing so. Make sure that you know who you are and what you stand for, and how to put your foot down when necessary. You will thank yourself for it later.
Be who you are.
It is such a rarity in this day and age to find people who are unique. Everyone always wants to talk like, be like, act like or dress like someone else. Please do not ever change yourself just so that you can "fit in". Do not let failed friendships or broken relationships make you bitter or hard inside. You are a kind, gentle, beautiful soul - do not give someone else the power to take that away from you. Be patient, my love. You will find people that will love you for you, and you wont have to try; it will just come. But before that can happen, you must know who you are first. Years from now, you wont be dwelling on that friend who stole your boyfriend or that guy that broke your heart. So why let it change you? Soon enough, you will be the happiest you've ever been. I promise.
You are worth it.
One of the hardest and most important lessons you will learn in life is that you will make mistakes, but that these mistakes do not define you. Learning to love and believe in yourself even when you do the wrong thing is not an easy task. It will take time. Life is all about finding, accepting, and loving yourself. So, please do not be too hard on yourself. Make your mistakes and learn from them, but please do not ever think that you are your mistakes or that you are not worth it. You're worth someone being kind to you, loving you, and choosing you; but remember to always chose yourself first.
Love yourself.
To have self love is one of the most important lessons you will ever learn in life. You could have all the things in the world, all the money in the world, and be surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of people but if you don't love yourself, it means absolutely nothing. It wont always be easy, but in time you will learn to be kind to yourself. To love you for you, regardless of what anyone has to say about it. Most importantly, you will learn to remove the toxic people from your life. You will know who these people are because they are the ones that will hurt you, put you down, and make you feel like you aren't special, or important. But you are. And if you don't realize that now, it's okay - you will.
I know that the idea of graduating from high school or even college may seem so far fetched and out of reach to you right now, but the time will fly by faster than you could ever believe. And although things might be a little difficult right now, I hope you can find comfort in knowing that some of the best days of your life are ahead of you. I'm not going to lie and say that every day is perfect. There are still days, every once in awhile, when you shed a tear or are consumed by your thoughts. But the good in your life always outweighs the bad. One day you will find your place in this world. You will make friends that will stay in your life for years and not just months. You will get the boy. You will be happy. But for now, just enjoy the ride and make the most of it while you can, because I promise you that it will be more than worth the wait.
With love,
you... or me... or us?
Forever and always (because we are the same person :))),
Future you
