Things I wish I could go back and tell myself:
I’m honestly shocked you’ve made it this far, and I am so proud of you. There have been so many obstacles that we’ve overcome and so many memories that we wish we could forget but also more that we wish we could go back and relive over and over again. However, the world keeps turning, and day to night. If I could go back, I would tell myself to stop worrying what other people think and live your own life. Even though you’re young I want you to stop crying every night about what other people are saying about you. Trust me, in 10 years someone will love your freckles and hips, someone will treat you better than anyone ever has. All those nasty things people have said to you will always stick with you and sadly it will affect your self-esteem, but you have to put your head on straight and know that everything will be okay.
Please be kind to yourself. Future you will appreciate it so much. I know that it’s easier said than done, but try and love yourself. It has taken us almost 20 years to accept that we can’t change the past but can help pave the road to your future. Don’t let someone tell you that being smart is something to be ashamed of, because let’s be honest, being smart is actually pretty awesome and you should be proud of all your achievements in school. No one can tell you who you are, only you. You’re the only person that matters to yourself right now and self-growth is so important. I want to tell you again that everything will be okay, I cannot express this enough. All the terrible things that you’re holding on to inside will seem so useless in the future. All the pain that you’re feeling now is only tempary, and it will be okay.
No one is perfect and that includes the boys you think that matter to you. Don’t give up on yourself over a guy that will only break your heart in the end, because let’s be honest, it will happen. However, a guy will come along and make everything feel alright, but make sure you look below the surface and make sure it’s not a fox in sheep’s clothing. Make sure to know yourself more than you know them. Know that no means no and that you control your own body. Don’t let some boy be the only thing that matters to you. He’s not more important than your relationship to your father and defiantly not more important than your schooling. He is not worth the time, and when you get there you’ll know exactly who I’m talking about. It is alright to go from person to person but not when you’re hurting. The feelings you hurt inside yourself will be the hardest ones to heal.
Pain will come and go, as well as the people. The friends that you think you would have forever will change without giving you a good reason, or because of that one event were too embarrassed to talk about. It will hurt, god it will hurt like hell, but you have to remember that everything will be okay. That it will pass and you will find new friends, and build great relationships with them. Heck you’ll even end up finding someone to be with that will be your best friend. The people you hold dearest to your heart will leave you also, but don’t let this fuel your hate for people. You need to learn to forgive people before they are gone from your life forever.
No one can love you until you start loving yourself, now I know, that’s easier said than done, but I promise you it’s worth it. Even 20 years down the road you’ll still struggle with it but you have you keep working on it, just remember that you’re beautiful no matter what anyone else says. No matter all the rude terrible things people will say about you and to you they’re not true, and actually those people who said those terrible things to you will want you in the future. Please start by looking in the mirror every morning and reminding yourself that you are worth it, that no matter what anyone ever says about you, you are and will always be worth it, Yeah I know, sometimes it’ll be hard and you’ll want to give up but just remember what dad told you when you started to freak out, “breathe in the good, and breathe out the bad” because honestly, you’ll use this method more than you’ll want to admit.
Embrace your mental illness. Now, you may be asking what that means, well here’s exactly what I mean; get help. Get help when you first start feeling down, it’s okay to ask for it, some people might say you’re faking it or just making it up, but I promise you the ups and downs get worse the longer you go without help, and no one likes that. Talk to people, reach out to others that might be struggling with it too, answer that 3a.m. phone call talk to them, tell them that you love them and that everything will be alright, because it honestly will. The world keeps spinning and the sun sets every night and rises every morning to start a new day. Please allow people to help you. These people aren’t trying to judge you or make yourself feel worse about yourself, their actually trying to help. Do not be afraid to be the one calling at 3 a.m. because someone will be awake and they will want to help. I know what you’re going through and how you’re feeling and trust me, it sucks, but it makes you stronger as a person. And please remember that you’re worth it. I cannot express that enough. Remember that every day of our life and I promise it will be better sailing from that point on.
Be aware of who you are, be fair to yourself, and mostly have fun. You only have on life kiddo so try and live as much as you can. I don’t want you to be at home at night crying yourself to sleep because someone called you fat or because you failed that test (because let’s be honest with ourselves, everyone fails tests all the time and the world isn’t going to end) just try and live while you still can. Go to that movie, or birthday party, go on that hike with your dad or try and help someone out with something you’re good at. I’m so proud that we’ve made it this far in life and that we have overcome amazing things to get here. Keep your chin up and just keep pushing on, and I can’t wait to see what we come up with next.
