I’ve been thinking a lot lately, particularly on how much I’ve changed since I first started high school. Aside from the physical changes I’ve gone through (thank you, puberty), I was shy, I was weird, and I was very, very sad overall. It’s been nearly 10 years since then, and I know so much more now than I knew then. So many things that could have helped me get through whatever rough patches I was going through at the time. Obviously, the past is the past and I don’t regret any of it because it’s turned me into the person I am today, but there are always things that I think everyone, if given a time machine, would go back and tell their 15 year old self. Think about it for a second. What would you tell your 15 year old self if given the opportunity? This is what I’d tell mine:
1. Stop trying to be like your friends.
It’s okay to be different than your friends and still be friends--really! So please dear god in heaven, listen to your mother and toss out those ugly acid wash red skinny jeans and stop trying to cut your hair like the emo kids. Stop ruining the makeup your sister did for you with water because you were trying to make it look like you were crying for some aesthetic selfies with a “rawr” caption for your Myspace. You’re embarrassing us both here.
2. Be nice to your sister. You’re going to need her someday.
It might feel like she’s the meanest person right now, but she’s going to be your saving grace one day. Your life is going to feel like it’s ripping apart at the seams on many days and she’s going to be the one you’ll want to turn to. She’s going to be the one you call almost every day with new drama. She’s going to be your confidant, your partner in crime, and your best friend. So appreciate her as much as you can for as long as you can.
3.Be nice to your your momtoo.
I know things can constantly feel rocky between the two of you, but no one loves you more than your mom loves you. Even if she’s disappointed or upset with you, that will never change. She is always on your team, no matter what you do, and as you get older, you’ll start to really see what an amazing and kindhearted woman she is. Don’t take her for granted. Aspire to be like her.
4. Don’t let depression control you.
I cannot stress this enough. And I’m not going to lie, you’re always going to struggle with this. Depression absolutely sucks, but it’s not all that you are. You are light and happiness and you need to spread that every day with kindness and good deeds. When you can’t find any good in the world, be the good in the world.
5. Be outgoing. Make new friends.
There are always going to be the friends that you’ve had for years and that hold a special place in your heart. You don’t necessarily have to let them go, but you should make other friends, too. Say hi to the girl that sits next to you in Chemistry. Ask the guy that sits behind you in Algebra how his weekend was. See if the girl in fall play with you wants to go grab ice cream after rehearsal. Surround yourself with people of different backgrounds, of different personalities. Learn about them, relate to them, and show them kindness.
6. Write at every moment possible moment.
This one’s important, okay? To truly be happy in life, I’ve learned it’s a lot about doing what you love. Take advantage of all the free time that you have and just write. About anything or anyone. Use it as an outlet for whatever emotion you’re feeling. It doesn’t matter if you write 5 words or 5 pages. What matters is that you did it in the end and that you improve your skills day by day and get an emotional release.
7. Experience new things.
Don’t limit yourself. You know what you were made for, and it’s something bigger than your small town. So keep yourself open to experiences! Try that obscure food, go to that concert, go on that field trip to New York City, audition for that musical. If you keep to yourself all the time and let fear keep you from doing some things, then you’ll never branch out and you’ll never get out of the sheltered town life.
8. Balance yourself.
Girlfriend, I know you like the junk food, but you have got to dial that in a little bit. There is nothing wrong with indulging yourself, but you’ve got to do something to counteract it. Go for a run with your dog, go to the gym, eat a salad or a vegetable every now and then. And then eat the damn cupcake as a reward to yourself.
9. Don’t worry about the boys who don’t want you.
I know it’s hard feeling like one of the only girls in your grade that hasn’t had a serious boyfriend, but this is one thing that I can tell you with absolute certainty: boys suck. High school boys, especially. Don’t let yourself get so caught up in your feelings for someone, and what could be with them, that you allow yourself to be crumbled if those feelings aren’t returned. So what if he doesn’t like you? There are twenty other guys just in your vicinity that will, probably. So pick yourself up, wipe away the tears, and don’t sweat it. It might feel like crap for now, but I promise you, your time for dating will come--and then you’re in for a whole new world of drama.
10. You might not feel like it, but you are beautiful.
Listen to me, you sweet summer child: You might feel like the ugliest duckling in the room right now, but you are absolutely stunning. Your heart makes you the most beautiful person, and I know that feels like a cop-out answer, but it’s true. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise or make you feel like you’re anything less than gorgeous. As you get older, you’ll find that it’s a lot less about looks and a lot more about what you show to people from within. You’re not always going to look the way you do or feel the way you do, I promise. It’s still going to be a struggle in the future and there are days you’re going to feel like crap about yourself, but one day, you will look in the mirror and see the beauty that’s always been there.
