To start this off, no: transgender people are not a headline. The media attention might not be all bad though. It gives the world the opportunity to see into our side of the world. Most people never ever see the surface of struggles for a Trans* person. People just assume we all hate our bodies and are doomed for eternity. I'm here to provide some perspective, and an inside look on things a trans* person will never tell you. Disclaimer: this is not all trans* people by any means. These are just my thoughts and the majority of what I have seen personally.
1. Getting called by our birth names hurts.
You think this one would be a little more obvious, but to some people it's not. For most trans* folks, hearing the names we were assigned at birth doesn't bring back old happy memories from our childhood, it brings on a lot of negative feelings we had or can really disassociate us from our identities. This is part of the reason you should never ask nor tell what a trans* persons birth name was.
2. Apologizing profusely is awkward.
If you do make a mistake and misgender a trans* person or call them by the wrong name, correct yourself, maybe utter one apology, and move on. It will be forgotten about a lot quicker that way, and it means a lot that you remembered in the first place. Whatever you do though, do not drag the apology on and continuously say you're sorry. We know you are: people make mistakes! The longer you drag it on, the worse it gets, and the more it will be remembered.
3. We know it may take you awhile to get used to our new names.
Please, don't tell us that. Especially not over and over again. We had to go through a period of adjustment too! We know it'll take time, and that you feel like you're justifying yourself, but keep in mind this sentence can serve to make us feel a little guilty and like maybe you aren't 100% on board. Even if you don't mean it that way, it can come across with a bit of distaste. If you do say it, we won't hold it against you! We know that it can also be an effort to show you're trying. It's just something to consider for the future.
4. We are way more scared of the bathroom than you are.
Trust me. I haven't started hormone replacement therapy yet, so I don't always appear to be male to all of the world just yet. If I walk into the women's restroom: 1) it hurts me personally, 2) women freak out and want the guy out of their restroom! If I walk into the men's restroom: 1) I'm working overtime on trying to act natural and just get in and get out, 2) I run the risk of getting beaten to a pulp by a very angry man. I spend a lot of time scoping for empty areas, googling what bathrooms in the area are only one stall, but mostly, just avoiding drinking any liquids while out and about.
5. We generally appreciate kind hearted questions.
If you're just trying to understand, and we're in a private setting, usually questions are welcomed. If you have negative intents of course, that goes out the window. Most of us have stories to tell and we don't want any elephants in the room, so please, feel comfortable to ask if you can ask questions to understand. Most people will be open to them. If you're not comfortable with asking though, ask our dear friend google or search around on tumblr! It means the world to trans* people that people are interested in being allies.
6. You shouldn't assume we are unhappy or have to pass as our gender to be happy.
While the people below do, there are a lot of trans folks who opt to not undergo any physical changes whatsoever. Even those who do don't always have a negative relationship with their body. We're on a journey, just the same as cisgendered people. We're finding happiness just like everybody else.
7. Binders are not just really tight sports bras.
This one falls more into the transmasculine or transman category, but if someone mentions a struggle that deals with the binder, do not respond with: "I totally understand! When I wear sports bras it's awful!" Most of us probably spent a good number of years wearing sports bras, and trust us...it is not the same. In my downtime I relax in a sports bra and even sleep in one. Once you hit the 8 hour mark with a binder on, most guys can definitely start to feel the effects. They are much tighter and compress the chest in a different way. Imagine taking your bra off when you get home, but times 10.
We know this is hard for you if you knew us before, and it may be hard to understand even if you didn't, but don't lose sight of how we feel in the midst of that. Ask questions privately. Learn what is okay and isn't okay. At the end of the day we're people just like you. We want love and acceptance, so if you can provide that, we will never turn it down.
